The Power of Discovery

When our kids were young, they were quite inquisitive. There was this one time when our son told my father-in-law that it was his “job” to ask questions. Sometimes, his curious nature was cute and fun to engage with. But, more often than not, he ran us quite nuts with his non-stop asking about this or about that. His younger sister followed suit and seemed to always need to be “in the know” about everything. I bet you can relate.

As our kids have gotten older, I have come to appreciate their questions. I have learned to be thankful that they are interested in things, eager to learn, and willing to grow. I am really thankful that they are still willing to come to us as their parents and ask for help. Often, in conversations with our 20-year-old son, he’ll say, “I have a question for you.” I can’t (and don’t) always answer his question, but I do engage in a conversation that I hope will help him.

One of the things that I have come to value over the years is the concept of discovery. As we all learn and grow, we will naturally have questions, seek truth, and wonder about the world. When our questions arise, we can obviously find some type of answer from someone or something. People will tell us their opinions, and machines will tell us a conglomeration of facts that will point us to some sort of resolution. But, if we can discover something for ourselves instead of just being told a set of facts or an opinion, we are much more likely to embrace the answer we find. When we discover something, we own it.

When it comes to helping our kids and teens navigate the tough questions they will invariably have and discover things for themselves, here are a few ideas that will hopefully help them navigate their curiosity in healthy ways:

Build a relationship that welcomes questions.

So many things in life come back to relationships, and this is especially true when it comes to our kids. They are craving a connection with us. Sure, we may not always feel it, and we may live with an occasional teenage monster, but they do want and need a solid relationship with us. This becomes especially important when they are asking questions in their head and trying to figure out where to go for answers. If we have a strong relationship with them, they are much more likely to come to us with their questions. If the relational bridge is out, they will find other people or places to have deep and difficult conversations.

Don’t just answer their questions; help them learn how to find the answers.

This idea goes back to the concept of discovery. Teenagers who ask questions and seek answers turn into adults who do the same. We’re all curious to some degree, and this continues into adulthood. In reality, there will come a time when your teenager will need to figure things out on their own. They will need to have the tools they need to learn and grow on their own. The sooner you can help them learn how to find answers instead of just giving them answers, the better. Sure, it’s great to be the hero and the one with all the answers, but if we want to set our teenagers up to be able to learn and grow on their own, they need to be able to discover things on their own.

Understand that conversations are ongoing.

Often, when we have a conversation with our teenager, we feel the pressure to have the answers and wrap it all up. We get into “fix it” mode, and we want to solve the issue at hand. In reality, the questions our teenagers are wrestling with can rarely be solved at once. Their brains are growing, shifting, and developing and need input all along the way. As we step into helping our teenagers navigate the tough questions they have, we have to understand that the conversations will be ongoing, and we need to be ready to step into talking with our teens about their questions at any moment. This is all about having a long-term view and positioning ourselves to have the influence we want to have, not just in a moment but over a lifetime.

So, I’ve had to learn that the questions that are coming from my teenagers aren’t bad at all. They indicate a level of curiosity about the world that is necessary to thrive. When they come to me with their questions, it indicates a level of trust. They want to know what we, as their parents, think about a particular subject or issue. If we can learn to embrace the questions, not always having to answer but seeking to help them learn how to discover things on their own, we can help them develop the skills they need to grow and develop on their own.