Parenting Styles: Understanding and Encouraging Parents

We all know parenting is far from easy. As we work with kids every week, we frequently see firsthand how different families have different ways of raising their children. From authoritarian parents to permissive parents, understanding the styles that moms and dads use can help us support parents better.

Even if you’re not a parent yourself, you play an important role in encouraging and equipping the parents in your church. And if you are a parent, you’ve got personal experience and wisdom you’ve gained along the way to offer. So, let’s take a look at the four main parenting styles and practical ways you can encourage parents as they seek to raise godly kids.

Authoritarian
This style is characterized by clear rules and boundaries, high expectations, consistent discipline, and an emphasis on respect for authority. Authoritarian parents look for obedience and often use strict consequences with little explanation about why their child is being disciplined. Their hearts are usually in the right place as they want their kids to be respectful and responsible, but children of authoritarian parents may feel a lot of pressure that can cause anxiety and low self-esteem.

Authoritative
Authoritative parents set clear boundaries but also explain the reasons behind their rules. They are warm, responsive, and reinforce independence. These parents give their children age-appropriate responsibilities and let them make some decisions on their own. This style encourages open communication, self-discipline, and confidence. However, authoritative parenting does require more time and emotional energy, which can make it challenging to stay consistent.

Permissive
Permissive parents are warm and nurturing but set few rules or limits. They let their kids explore freely and place a high emphasis on making sure their kids are happy. Open communication between parent and child is one of their main goals, and their children often feel very loved. This style can help kids develop a lot of creativity, freedom to express themselves, and independence. But without enough guidance and discipline, children of permissive parents may struggle with the lack of boundaries and clear rules, which can lead to poor self-control and difficulty following rules.

Uninvolved
This style is often characterized by a lack of attentiveness and having low expectations of children. Supervision and discipline are lacking or inconsistent. Parents aren’t engaged in their kids’ activities like school or sports, and they may not follow through on making sure their kids’ needs are met. Most parents don’t intentionally choose to raise their kids this way. Instead, it can be the result of being continually overwhelmed, exhausted, distracted, or experiencing wounds from childhood or life circumstances. Kids in this environment may experience low self-esteem, often feel abandoned, and struggle socially and academically. Although there are downsides to the other types of parenting, this one desperately needs Christlike intervention and gentle guidance to parent in a healthier way.

If you are a parent…
You have a unique perspective. Your personal experience can be a huge encouragement to other parents who are in the thick of it. Here are a few ways you can use your journey to support others:

• Be honest about your struggles. Share the challenges you experience as a parent. It's helpful for others to see that they’re not alone in their parenting difficulties.
• Celebrate progress. Encourage parents to look for small wins with their kids, like a car ride without any fighting or doing chores with a good attitude.
• Share your wins and losses. Your real-life tips and stories can be beneficial to parents who feel overwhelmed because they don’t know what to do.
• Pray with and for parents. Your experience as a parent can guide your prayers and provide spiritual support to others in very specific ways.

If you’re not a parent…
You might think, “I don’t have kids—how can I really understand or help?” The truth is that offering support to parents doesn’t have to be based on personal experience. Instead, focus on caring and empathy by doing these things:

• Listen. Sometimes, the very thing parents need is simply someone to listen to them without judgment or jumping immediately to a solution.
• Encourage parents regularly. A simple “You’re doing a great job!” or “I love the way you_____ with your kids.” can boost a tired parent’s heart.
• Share practical resources. Pass along recommendations for parenting books, encouraging Bible verses, or host practical workshops for parents.
• Pray for and with them. There’s power in lifting up parents. Asking God to give them wisdom, patience, and peace in all kinds of situations.

Whether we’re leading classrooms full of kids, sharing about our own parenting journeys, or offering a listening ear to weary parents, children’s leaders are a vital part of nurturing the families in our churches. Whether or not we’re parents ourselves, we have the opportunity to be powerful encouragers, prayer warriors, and sources of wisdom for parents. As leaders, extending our kindness and support helps remind parents that God’s grace is big enough for the messy, wonderful adventure of raising kids.