Tell Me More

A few years ago, I stumbled upon a parenting principle that really did change the way I engage with my kids. At the time, both of our kids (who are a part of Gen Z) were in their teenage years, navigating a number of issues that, while not unique to them, were new to our family.

My wife and I had always been intentional about investing in our relationship with our kids. We had planted seeds for years. These were seeds of connection, trust, and shared experiences. So, as they entered this new stage of life, we weren’t starting from scratch. But we did notice something. Our conversations weren’t as deep as they used to be. They were spending more time in the digital world, and our attempts to engage were often met with the classic teenage wall.

You know how it goes. We’d ask a question, something thoughtful, something meant to show we cared, and we’d get a one-word answer. Maybe two words if we were lucky. Our son, in particular, had mastered the art of the minimal response. And while we didn’t want to pry, we did want to stay connected. We wanted to know what was really going on beneath the surface.

That’s when I came across a simple strategy. It wasn’t earth-shattering. In fact, it was just three words: “Tell me more.”

So, we tried it. When our kids shared anything about their day, their friends, their classes, or even something random, we didn’t jump in with more questions. We didn’t change the conversation or try to offer advice. We just responded, “Tell me more.”

And something amazing happened. They did.

Again and again, those three words opened the door to deeper, more meaningful conversations. Not every time, of course, but often enough that we knew we had stumbled onto something powerful. The more we used it, the more we learned. We started to understand not just what they were doing but how they were thinking. We got glimpses into their hearts, their fears, and their hopes. And our connection deepened.

I’m no psychologist, but I’ve got a hunch about why this works, especially with Gen Z.

This generation values autonomy. They want to be heard, not fixed. They want to process out loud and arrive at conclusions on their own. “Tell me more” respects that. It doesn't feel like a parental trap or some type of interrogation. It feels like an invitation. A choice. And that matters deeply to them.

More than that, Gen Z craves real, honest, open conversation. The irony is that even though they spend countless hours communicating online, many struggle to express themselves in real-time, face-to-face conversations. But the desire is there. They want to be known and understood. They want someone to listen without immediately correcting or critiquing.

That’s where we, as parents, come in.

Our job isn’t to have all the answers. It’s to be safe people in whom our kids can confide. We need to be people who create space for them to question, doubt, and wrestle with life and faith. We need to listen more than we speak, and “Tell me more” helps us do exactly that. It puts the ball in their court, and it puts us in a posture of humility and curiosity.

And here’s the key: when we listen, we must resist the urge to correct or control. Our kids need a space to think out loud without fear of being shut down. The days of “because I said so” are long gone. This generation is savvy. They fact-check everything. They aren’t looking for top-down lectures. They’re looking for a companion on the journey, someone who helps them discover the truth for themselves.

Because here’s the truth: when teenagers and young adults build their own convictions, those convictions are stronger. They become internalized. And they’re more likely to stand firm when they face the challenges of life.

So, if you're parenting a teenager or young adult, especially one from Gen Z, try it. Stay curious. Ask fewer questions.

And when they start talking (even if it’s just a little), lean in and just say, “Tell me more.”