Parenting with Purpose

For a long time, most parenting styles fell into four main categories: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. Authoritarian parents tend to have high demands on their children but are low in nurturing. Authoritative parents also have high demands but are more in tune with the needs of their children. They offer guidance and encouragement, forming an emotional bond with their children that authoritarian parents lack. Permissive parents are warm and nurturing but have few expectations or rules they enforce for their children. Uninvolved parents provide for the basic needs of their children but are typically disengaged with their children and have few expectations for them. Of these, experts say authoritative parenting produces children who are more likely to get along with their peers, have success in school, and become independent and self-sufficient.

Yet, in recent years, there have been a few different parenting styles that have popped up for a variety of reasons. In the 80’s came the rise of helicopter parents, likely in response to increased awareness of child abductions. More recently, you have likely heard of gentle parenting, free-range parenting, attachment parenting, type C parenting, and maybe even panda parenting.

Honestly, it can get overwhelming trying to figure out what is the best fit for you, your spouse (or ex), and your child. The good news is God knows exactly what your child needs, AND He offers grace when we miss the mark. While experts may have some wise advice to give us, we, more importantly, have access to God’s wisdom. We can learn from the One who created both parenting and the one or ones you are parenting. 

So, what wisdom does Scripture give us for parenting?

First, sometimes, especially in the teen years, we need to be reminded that children are a blessing from God. (Psalm 137:3) Yes, they can drive us crazy with their attitude, sass, and know-it-all mentality at times, but as parents of young adults can attest, it is only a phase and does get better! Our job during this phase is to be the adults even when they push our buttons, have more patience than we think possible, rely on the Holy Spirit for this, and model Christ’s love to them.

Scripture also emphasizes the importance of discipleship. Proverbs 22:6 tells us, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it.” While this is not necessarily a promise, it is a best practice to help our children become lifelong followers of Jesus. Looking at raising our teens through the lens of discipleship also helps us have a vision for parenting. The world’s view of parenting often vacillates between being your child’s best friend or a form of behavior management. God’s view of parenting is guiding, teaching, and encouraging your child to know and follow Jesus. Our goal is not so much for obedient children as for children with a heart to follow Christ and submit to His authority. This view can shape the way we discipline or correct our teens, being sure to teach Biblical principles and the why behind the rules we ask them to follow. As our teens get older and have more autonomy to make their own decisions, we will hopefully have the opportunity to play the role of adviser or consultant, asking them questions about how their faith and beliefs play into the decisions they are making. Our job is to keep pointing them to Christ.

One of the best ways to disciple our teens is to model a godly life. The saying that “more is caught than taught” is especially true for our children during their teenage years. While they may tune us out when we are trying to correct or teach them, they can’t help but see the way we live our daily lives. Living a life of integrity and pursuing our own relationship with Jesus can have an incredible impact on our teens and who they become.

The bottom line is this: Our teens need love, patience, discipleship, and someone who is forever pointing them toward following Jesus. The way this is done can look a little different in different homes and with different children. And we have a heavenly Father who is eager to give us wisdom … and strength … and patience … and everything else we need to parent our kids. Remember, God has chosen you as the perfect parent for your child.

Here’s one last note: none of us had perfect parents. Hopefully, most of us had parents who did the best they could. Yet, even so, some of us may have wounds that have been difficult to heal.  Fortunately, we do have a perfect parent in God the Father. He has all the qualities of a perfect mother and father and promises to provide us with all we need (Phil 4; 2 Peter 1:3) and desires to give us good gifts. (Matt 7:11) As we look to Him, He can provide healing and help us to navigate all our parenting struggles.