Parenting Through the Failure
Over the last several years, my wife and I have had a lot of meaningful conversations with our young adult kids as we’ve reflected on their childhood. They have their own stories and interpretations, some accurate, and some not so much, but that’s part of the fun. As my wife and I look back, there are definitely things we wish we had done differently, and plenty of lessons we’ve learned along the way.
One of the first lessons we learned is that perfection isn’t the goal, because it’s not possible. I tell parents all the time: If someone claims to be a “parenting expert,” you might want to turn and run. None of us really knows what we’re doing, and there’s no manual handed to us when our kids are born. When they become teenagers, things can get messy, unpredictable, and sometimes heartbreaking. Their priorities shift, their decisions surprise you, and their independence grows in ways that stretch your heart. In those moments, it’s easy to feel like you’ve failed. But don’t fall into that hole. Every parent misses the mark, raises their voice, and wishes they could rewind certain moments. What matters isn’t perfection, it’s faithfulness. It’s showing up with love, consistency, and trust that God’s grace truly is enough for both you and your teen.
Another lesson we learned (sometimes the hard way) is that relationships carry more weight than rules. Rules matter, of course. They give your teen structure and safety. But a strong relationship gives you influence, connection, and trust in ways control never can. Learning to be present, listen, and not always run to teaching or correcting our kids can deepen the relationship and keep their hearts open to ours. Even when their words or choices frustrate you, learning to build and value the relationship more than anything else can go a long way. Over the long haul, the relationship you build today will shape your teen’s decisions tomorrow far more than any speech or consequence ever will.
We’ve also realized that one of the most essential things for any parent is community. Parenting a teenager can feel isolating, as if no one else is dealing with what’s happening in your home. But you are not alone. Talking openly with other parents about the struggles, the worries, the awkward moments, and the mistakes can be incredibly healing. These conversations remind you that what you’re navigating is likely relatively normal, and that other families are wrestling through similar challenges. I’ve always said that when you gather a group of parents to talk about what’s going on with their teenagers, everyone’s blood pressure goes down. We look at each other and realize, “Oh… that’s happening in your house too?”
Finally, and maybe most importantly, remember that there is always hope. Even when you can’t see it, God is at work. He is at work in your heart, in your teen’s heart, and in the unfolding story of your family. Parenting isn’t about guaranteeing outcomes; it’s about faithfully planting and watering seeds of love, wisdom, and faith. The road to maturity is rarely easy, and it’s often much messier than we imagined. But God’s steady, unshakable love never fails. Your teen’s story is still being written, and God is not done writing it. Even on the hardest days, you are the exact parent your child needs, and His grace is more than enough to guide you both through this season. Parenting teens is a long, grace-filled journey, and remember that you don’t have to walk it perfectly to walk it well.
