
I Have To Say “Yes”
It was mid-morning on a holiday weekend. We had settled into a low-key, relaxing day at home as we waited for some evening fun and festivities. I was incredibly tired, coming off a long and busy day before, and I was just starting to get into a real “chill” mode. That’s when my 16-year-old daughter hit me with a question:
“Hey, Dad, you want to go to Walmart with me?”
Huh? Walmart, on a crazy holiday weekend? Why would I want to do that? A word quickly entered my brain. Well, it was actually two words: Absolutely not! with an emphasis on the absolutely. Thankfully, those words did not come out of my mouth, and I decided to put into action a practice I started a few years ago. My mind moved from Absolutely Not! to I have to say, “Yes!”
It all started a few years ago. My daughter and I stumbled onto a way to spend time together that was fun for both of us. One night, just the two of us were at home, and we decided to go for a ride in the car. We found a great loop in our town where we could roll down the windows, relax, listen to some music, and cruise. On these sides, we would have conversations about friends, family, church, school, and life. It was such a refreshing experience for both of us that we got in the habit of doing this every few weeks, usually when my wife and son were out.
As time progressed, she would occasionally randomly ask, “Hey, Dad, you want to go for a ride?” Lots of times, I was down for it, and we had a great time. But, as she got older, there started to be nights when we would have dinner (usually late because of our schedules), she would finish her homework, and it would be sneaking up on bedtime (at least for me). At somewhere between 10 and 10:30 pm, my daughter would walk into our bedroom and say, “Hey, Dad, you want to go for a ride?” I would think: OK, wait. It’s late. I’m exhausted. I’m in my pajamas and headed into a deep sleep. I have to be up early for another long day at work, and this ride will take over an hour, which will likely put my head on the pillow at around midnight. Hmmmm!?! What to do?
I’m training myself to think when it comes to my kids and requests like this; I have to say, “Yes!”
Here’s the thing: My teenage daughter wasn’t just asking for a ride. She was asking for time with me—time to connect, to talk, to build our relationship. Who says “No!” to that? In a world where it’s so easy for us to grow relationally distant from our kids, moments like these are gifts. We have to look for and take opportunities to deepen our connection and relationship with them. Sometimes, on these rides, we simply look out the window and sing along to the tunes. Other times, we stumble into meaningful conversations that strengthen our relationship.
I know I don’t have very many years left where she’ll live in our house, and we’ll have such proximity. I know there won’t be as many moments where I can spend time with her and continue to build our relationship. When she asks for my time, I can’t always say, “Yes!” but, if I’m honest, most of the time, I can. I can set aside whatever is drawing my attention, or I think she needs my effort, and I can choose to spend time with someone I treasure. I’ve learned that when it comes to my kids and giving them time, when I can, I have to say, “Yes!”
Relationships matter, and there are no more important relationships than the ones we have with our families. Building relationships takes time, effort, and sacrifice, especially for us as adults. I can remember several specific conversations that my daughter and I had on our car rides. She asked about serious matters and wanted my opinion. We talked about our family and how to make it stronger. We talked about her faith and how she could continue growing in her walk with Jesus. If we make the effort to build relationships at home, it will pay off in the future. Things won’t always be perfect, but they will be healthier, and we will no doubt build a stronger foundation for the relationships we want to have in the future.
So, when my daughter asks, “Hey, Dad, want to go for a ride?” my answer is simple: Yes!