
Focus On Friendships
I remember when I was in fourth grade and attending a new church. I knew some kids there, but none of them were my age. Out of all the other kids, there was one in the same grade. Not really knowing much about each other, neither of us were drawn to one another. Then, our children’s leader put us together to help the younger kids. We found common ground and grew to become best friends. What we weren’t able to see at first, our leader saw – the potential for friendship. That relationship impacted my life positively. Then, as we both grew in our faith and forty-plus years later, our friendship is a source of joy and comfort as we continue to share life today.
In children’s ministry, relationships are a key part of spiritual development. You point kids toward a living and growing relationship with Jesus. You also play an important role in nurturing peer relationships at church. As much as adults need to be part of a community of believers, children do, too. Having leaders who want to build relationships with them supports their development, but kids also need to be surrounded by friends who love Jesus. That’s not always easy to do when there’s a limited amount of time at church. This is where you and your volunteers can help by creating an environment for children to form genuine friendships. Not every pair of kids you help connect will become best friends, but there are things you can do to help them get to know one another better.
Provide Time
You likely feel some pressure to pack every moment of church time to the brim with lesson-focused activities. After all, you only have so much time with the kids each week. It’s not at all a misstep to focus everything on the lesson, but it can leave little margin for children to form friendships. Offering time for children to get to know one another is important. Planned activities with peer interaction is a good start, but children also benefit from the opportunity to have relationships grow organically.
Instead of viewing free time as something you do only when your lesson runs short, purposely schedule it. Building relationships between peers and between kids and leaders is a worthy investment. If you think about your own friendships at church and how they came to be, they likely occurred in those in-between moments, times when you were free to talk and laugh and get to know one another better. When you plan your Sunday mornings, midweek, and special events, provide time for free play, which will allow kids the chance to nurture friendships.
Find Commonalities
What naturally draws people together is the discovery of common interests. When kids only see their peers at church once or twice a week at most, difficulties in discovering commonalities arise. Encourage your volunteers to make a point to gather information about kids’ hobbies, pets, schools, sports, and activities not only to build their own relationships with the children but also to help link peers who share interests. Introduce them to one another. Share with kids the areas where they have similar interests with one another. Give them the building blocks to get the ball rolling. Be sensitive to the kids who hesitate to initiate interactions with their peers. Draw them and one or two other kids into a game or craft together as a low-pressure point of connection. Plan “getting to know you” activities on a regular basis, especially as new kids come into the group. They don’t have to be lengthy; a little time hearing bits of personal things about one another can spark new friendships.
Teach Friendship
Share with the kids in your ministry about qualities of strong relationships – those with the Lord, family, and friends. We all desire relationships but don’t always know what healthy ones look like. As children grow, their understanding of friendship develops, and they learn what it takes to be a good friend and what they should look for in making friends. Highlight biblical examples of positive, God-honoring character traits that are the foundation for strong bonds.
Incorporate terms like being respectful, trustworthy, kind, and forgiving into your conduct expectations. Help kids navigate disagreements and solve problems with one another. Point out when you see children interacting with each other in godly ways by identifying the character trait you observed. Small but intentional teachable moments go a long way in supporting kids as they establish Christ-like relationships.
In the book of Romans, Paul writes, “I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong—that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith.” (Romans 1:11-12). Sharing life with a friend who follows Jesus gives kids the chance to build each other up in the faith. Pray for the children in your ministry to find friends who exude a love for Jesus and will be a positive, godly influence in their lives. Pray for parents to have wisdom in guiding their kids toward Christian friends who display the character of the Lord in the way they live their lives and treat their friends.
God designed us to be in relationship with one another, and those shared with other Jesus-followers are vitally important. Friendships that continually point one another to Him help kids stand on God’s truth as the voice of the world offers detours away from His best. The investments you make in helping kids find community with their peers can yield a beautiful return.