What I Learned When I Quit Social Media - Part 1

The nature of my job, like many other people, requires me to be online for networking, promoting events, and creating content for my business. Earlier in life, I wrote a book on technology entitled Tech Savvy Parenting, yet I found myself in a place in life where I needed to step away from all of social media for a season. It wasn’t that I felt there was an addiction or anything morally wrong with social media, but rather it became a distraction from what was most important in my life. I didn’t delete my accounts; I just left them out there idling while I decompressed and realigned my time and attention. In full disclosure, during my three months away, I did make two posts and retweeted three times. I wasn’t trying to be legalistic about my absence. In each case, I felt there was something important that needed to be shared, but as much as possible, I simply wanted to take a pause from talking about myself in any way, not to avoid the events of the world altogether.

Think of a sabbatical from social media as something akin to giving up chocolate for Lent. Fifteen years ago, I gave up beef for Lent, then when Lent was over, I never went back. Three years later, I gave up soft drinks, and then when Lent was over, I never went back. I’d never given up social media, and frankly, 30 days just didn’t seem long enough. Now, after going three months without it, I think I could very easily walk away from most forms of social media altogether. You lose the need for that dopamine rush that comes from it, or rather, I found more fulfilling ways to get the same rush.

I read that Ed Sheeran did a similar social media detox a few years ago. He decided to give up not only social media, but also his cell phone as a New Year’s resolution. He announced on his Instagram account, “I’m taking a break from my phone, emails, and all social media for a while. I’ve had such an amazing ride over the last five years, but I find myself seeing the world through a screen and not my eyes, so I’m taking this opportunity of me not having to be anywhere or do anything to travel the world and see everything I missed.”

I am more and more convinced that social media doesn’t connect me, but rather isolates me. It makes me believe that I know what’s happening in people’s lives because I see their birthday announcement on Facebook or a picture of their athletic accomplishment on Instagram. My LinkedIn even tells me when a far-off business acquaintance gets a job promotion, as if I am somehow a part of the experience. But I’m not. It may give me the illusion of social tendons holding my life together, but just like Ed, I am missing so much of the real world.

In what has to be the most ironic advertisement I’ve seen in a while, here is a banner ad from E! Online that was posted on their site at the bottom of their interview with Ed Sheeran about his social media blackout.

One moment, I’m reading Ed say to me in so many words, “Turn it off. Get out. Go play. See the real world.” And at the bottom of the same screen is this ad telling me that the way to avoid the “Fear of Missing Out” is to sign up for their social media updates. E!Online bills itself as the website for entertainment, celebrity news, and gossip. In other words, why live my own life, when I can live vicariously through the gossip of others’ lives.

Social media consumes more than my time. It distracts me from what’s most important. It takes away part of my humanity. Most importantly, whether I care to admit it or not, it affects the condition of my soul. I can certainly use it and it can serve a purpose in my life, but I have stopped looking at social media as a necessity for human connectivity in the millennial age.

Over my time away, you didn’t get to hear about my trips to North Dakota, Cincinnati, New York, Tampa, or Boston. You didn’t get to see me brag about my son and daughter, which I do quite frequently because I think they are amazing. I didn’t get to wish my friends a Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas on Facebook. Yet the world kept spinning, and to borrow from Gordon McDonald, my own private world feels a little more ordered.

I decided to let you in on my experience for two reasons. One, I need to remind myself not to get dragged back into the “time suck” that social media can be in my life. A good friend recently told me that she only uses one social platform because "I hate learning new technology, but more importantly, I'd rather be with people than spend all that time staring at my phone; trying to 'manage my life.'" This, too, is where I'd like to stay for a while. Regardless of what new social platforms are launched, I don't have to follow.

Two, I hope this will help you ponder your own relationship with social media. Are you using it or is it using you? A little of both, perhaps? Describing the highlights of what I learned will take a while, and one thing we’ve all learned from social media is that no one has a while. We all like our social media to be quick, bite-sized, and able to see all we need at a glance. Instead of losing you halfway, I’ll be releasing a social-media-sized portion of my experience over several days. So be sure to check back to read the three big lessons I learned from unplugging and setting it all aside.

Share your thoughts with others in our YM360 community:

1. How often am I trading genuine connection with my students, leaders, or family for the illusion of connection I get from scrolling?
2. If I stepped away from social media for a season, what margin would open up for new ministry, rest, or relationships? 

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