Building a Parent-Focused Discipleship Culture

The church has plenty of dry-cleaner parents. These are parents who drop their student off at the youth group and expect them to be cleaned, pressed, and spiritually ready to go. In other words, they hope the church (specifically the youth group) will “fix” their kids. Anyone who has done youth ministry for five minutes knows that strategy won’t work. As youth pastors, our job isn’t to be the primary disciple-makers of students. That role belongs to the parents. Our calling is to help them see that truth and step into it. We need them to understand that we aren’t dry cleaners… we are Home Depot – “You can do it. We can help!”

But helping parents step into that role isn’t easy. There are real challenges to overcome.

THE CHALLENGES WE FACE

First, we must help parents develop a healthy theology of the church. Most parents approach church with a consumer mindset, asking “What can I get out of it?” rather than “What can I give to it?” If we want to build a culture of family discipleship at our church, then we must help families shift from a focus on consumption to one of mission and service.

Second, while it’s good that parents want other godly adult influences in their kids' lives, that desire can sometimes lead to disengagement from the discipleship of their children. On top of that, most students don’t exactly want their parents around student ministry activities, which only adds to the complexity.

So, how can we partner with parents and equip them to be the primary disciple-makers in their homes? Especially when we face major challenges…Here are three things I’ve learned:

1. COMMUNICATE WELL

This is the low-hanging fruit. I believe that better communication would solve half of our problems. Many parents aren’t having spiritual conversations at home because they have no clue what students are learning at church.

Some ideas for better communication:

1. Use a curriculum that has parent follow-up guides.
2. Align all next-generation ministries on the same curriculum to make spiritual conversations easier among all age groups. (Think about the parents who may have kids in children’s ministry, and students)
3. In August, provide a scope and sequence of your curriculum for the whole year and share your goal behind it with the parents.
4. Send monthly email updates and weekly text reminders about important information.

Goal: Keep parents informed so they can engage in gospel-centered conversations at home.

2. ENCOURAGE RHYTHMS, NOT PROGRAMS

6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:6-9

Discipleship doesn’t only happen within the church building. It happens in the everyday moments of life. We need to cast a vision of discipleship like we see in Deuteronomy 6, helping parents see that they can disciple their kids as they go through life.

Some ideas to share with parents:

1. Ask their kid to pray before a meal.
2. Model how to engage a waiter with a simple, “How can we pray for you?” This could lead to a cool gospel conversation!
3. Talk about Jesus on the way home from school or while you are running errands.
4. Read a short Bible story before bed as a family.

The ideas are endless, but the point is clear: discipleship is a rhythm, not a program.

Goal: Encourage parents to see discipleship as part of everyday life, not just Sunday mornings.

3. BUILD HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

If we want parents to take ownership of their kids’ discipleship, then we need to build relationships, not only give responsibilities. Again, we want to remind parents of how we support them, not replace them. We need to earn their trust, encourage them, and remind them they are not alone.

Here are a few ideas to help partner with parents:

1. Host an open house. Invite parents to Midweek and sit in the back. Halfway through the evening, remove the parents and do a roundtable discussion.
2. Take a Sunday morning each month and speak to their Sunday School Class or Life Group.
3. Involve parents in baptism counseling and ask the parents to share their baptism experience.
4. Have parents share their testimony with their student before a mission trip. (You’d be amazed at how many students have never heard their parents’ testimony.)

Goal: Create intentional spaces where parents feel equipped, connected, and valued in the discipleship process.

THE BOTTOM LINE

If we want to see fewer students walk away from faith after high school, we can’t keep operating like dry cleaners. That model is broken. We must focus on developing a robust parent ministry because the home is where lifelong discipleship truly begins.

Share your thoughts with others in our YM360 community:

1. In what ways does your church do parent ministry well? In what ways does your church have to grow?
2. What is a low-hanging fruit for parent ministry that you could capitalize on this month? Start small but dream big!

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