Supporting Children’s Identity Development at Church
A few years ago, I came across a meme that said, “Whatever you’re doing today, do it with the confidence of a four-year-old wearing a Batman cape.” I smile every time it comes to mind. We’ve all known those kids, haven’t we? The ones who are so sure of who they are that they’re ready to take on the world. Sometimes, those kids can be a handful, but when it comes down to it, we want to see children develop that kind of confidence about who they are in the Lord.
The development of identity in children begins at home. With the love and security parents provide, a child comes to understand two essential messages, “I am loved” and “I am safe.” On this foundation, children are able to explore the world around them and learn who they are within it. As they grow, kids internalize ideas about themselves that are reinforced through the words and actions of parents and loved ones, as well as the surrounding culture.
Today’s culture has much to say about identity. A huge emphasis is placed on appearance, accomplishments, and the things we own to define who we are. In some respects, it’s been that way for a long time, but social media and marketing have magnified the message. Kids are quick to pick up on these ideas. Additionally, messages about gender identity and sexuality that are contrary to God’s design are prevalent. Now, more than ever, we need to pour God’s truth into children at a young age to help them navigate this confusing world.
As children’s leaders, we have an important role to play in supporting kids and parents in the important journey of identity development. Children need to hear repeatedly what God says about them from as many sources as possible to help anchor them in God’s truth about who they are and develop their spiritual identity.
Let’s talk about some things you can do to encourage kids in their identity formation:
Create warm and welcoming environments.
Children (and their parents) need to know that church is a place where they are loved and welcomed. The best thing you can do is to have a well-trained volunteer team who are called to serve with kids. As the ones kids interact with every week, the more you pour into your volunteers, the better equipped they are to support kids as they grow in knowing God and what He says about who they are.
Visit what the Bible says about identity often.
There are Bible verses that lend themselves to specific lessons about identity, such as Genesis 1:27, Psalm 139, and 1 John 3:1, but other stories build a strong foundation as kids grow to understand who they are in the Lord through lessons about His character. When children come to know who God is – His wonder, majesty, and greatness – they learn their value in being loved by Him. To be intricately made in the image of such a marvelous creator is a powerful message.
When you talk about the people in the Bible God used for His glory, point out the ways God helped them do things outside of their own power. Teach children how their obedience and dependence on the Lord displayed His glory to others. Talk about the changes in people’s lives when they had an encounter with Him. As kids begin to understand their identity and purpose come from the Lord, they’ll be better able to see themselves in light of the Bible and let other messages about who they should fall to the wayside.
Praise godly qualities.
Children’s accomplishments are worthy of celebration. Scoring points in a sporting event, earning good grades on a report card, and participating in a recital or play are all things to praise. However, when awards and accomplishments are the only things focused on, kids place too much of their identity on what they do rather than who they are. Look for instances where you can applaud godly qualities. When you see kids doing things like sharing, being kind to one another, or inviting a new child to sit by them or join them in play, let them know you see them acting like Jesus would. Share with them that their natural abilities come from the Lord and talk about ways they can use them to share Jesus with others. Point out how these things reflect God’s image to the world around them.
Connect with parents.
Because so much of identity is formed at home in kids’ early years, we need to intentionally provide parents with resources to assist them as they help their children establish a firm foundation in who God says they are. Give them scripture references to help them pray specifically about their children’s developing identity and to teach their kids to commit to memory. Encourage moms and dads by telling them how important their influence is in their kids’ lives, even if they don’t see the fruit right away. Share with them the positive things you see in their children while in your care.
Parents need to know that what they’re doing at home is making a difference. Parents also want to know if their kids are struggling. When you have a concern about a child who displays low self-esteem or negative self-talk, don’t be afraid to speak up, pray with parents, and brainstorm ways to help support the child. Every connection point with parents is important.
As a church leader, you play a crucial role in guiding children in their identity development. Through your personal investment, teaching, and encouragement, you support kids and parents by affirming how God sees them, the value they have as His children, and the purpose He has for their lives. May God provide you with insight and discernment as you positively influence the children in your care.
