Raising The Power of Influence: Finding Mentors for Your Child
My husband and I are both teachers. When our kids started school, we thought we had all the academic bases covered to help them with homework, but we were in for a surprise. Our guidance and instruction were well received early on, but as they continued in school, our voices made less of an impact. I can’t tell you how many times we would say something, and they wouldn’t hear it until their teachers said the exact same thing! Those moments reminded us of the importance and weight of other voices in the lives of our kids.
When it comes to influencing our children’s lives, we parents have the most important voices, especially in the early years, as they look to us for everything. But as they move into the preteen and teen years, teachers, coaches, and other adults start to play a larger role in shaping their beliefs. That's why it's so important to help our kids build relationships with godly mentors before they reach those next stages of life.
Mentoring isn't a modern parenting strategy—it's biblical. Throughout Scripture, we see faith intentionally passed from one person to another. The older generations taught the younger generations. Moses invested in Joshua. Elijah poured into Elisha. Paul mentored Timothy. Jesus, the most perfect example of all, spent years teaching, guiding, encouraging, and challenging His disciples as they walked together in daily life.These relationships were about much more than sharing information. They were built on trust, connection, and real-life discipleship. Mentors modeled what it looked like to follow God faithfully while helping others grow in their own faith journey.
What Does a Mentor Do?
Think about the best coach you've ever known. A great coach understands the game, but they also know how to connect with their players. They teach new skills, offer encouragement, and inspire athletes to improve. Most importantly, they model the attitudes and behaviors they want to see in their team. Mentors do the same thing. They invest in children’s and teens’ lives through encouragement, guidance, wisdom, and modeling. They help kids navigate challenges and grow into the people God created them to be. So, how do you find the right people to ask to be a mentor for your child?
Look for Maturity
A mentor should be someone who is further along in life and faith than your child. Peers do have influence, but a mentor needs to be older. Look for people who demonstrate emotional, personal, and spiritual maturity. The qualities you hope to see developed in your child should be very evident in a potential mentor’s daily life.
Look for Connection
The strongest mentoring relationships are built on trust and genuine connection. You’ll likely find a mentor in someone who already knows your child—a Sunday School teacher, coach, family friend, or another trusted adult from church. Kids feel most comfortable learning from someone they are close to.
Look for Willingness
Not everyone sees themselves as a mentor, even when they would be great at it. The word "mentor" can be intimidating. Help make it less so by explaining what you're hoping for - a trusted adult who will spend time with your child, encourage their faith, and be a positive influence in their life. Be clear about your expectations, keep them realistic, and ask people to prayerfully consider the opportunity.
Look for Christlike Qualities
The most important qualification for a Christian mentor is someone who demonstrates a growing relationship with Jesus. From that foundation, traits like integrity, faithfulness, humility, kindness, honesty, and a servant's heart naturally flow. Children learn more from what adults do than from what they say. When these qualities are consistent in a person’s life, your child will notice.
Look for Availability
A mentor can't make much impact if they're always busy. While texts and phone calls can be valuable, most mentoring happens through shared experiences. Look for someone who can spend time with your child regularly. Intentional discipleship, a couple of times each month in addition to regular life interactions, allows the relationship to grow.
Look for Longevity
Some mentors enter a child's life for a season, and those relationships can make an impact. A coach, teacher, or ministry leader may have a meaningful influence during a particular time. However, whenever possible, look for people who can invest in your child over the long haul. Long-term mentoring relationships grow deeper over time and provide consistent encouragement through life's ups and downs. There's something powerful about having someone who knows your story walk beside you for years.
Research shows that young people thrive when numerous caring adults invest in their lives. In fact, many experts say that having around five trusted mentors can greatly impact children’s and teens’ lives. Think about the influence of five godly adults praying for your child, encouraging them, and pointing them toward Jesus. We also know that kids who build meaningful relationships within the church are more likely to stay connected to their faith as they grow older. When they feel known, valued, and supported by their church body, kids see the church as more than a place to attend but rather a community where they belong.
As parents, we can't be everything our children need, but we can purposefully surround them with people who will help reinforce the values and faith we're working to build at home. The goal of mentoring isn't to replace your influence as a parent - it's to strengthen it by inviting other faithful Christians to walk alongside your child as he or she grows in their relationship with the Lord.
