Hope in the Heartache
I find a lot to like about social media. As a parent, I enjoy looking through my Facebook memories, reminiscing about the past, and seeing my now-grown girls as little ones. Over the years, I’ve shared milestones, family celebrations, and lots of pictures. If you were to look through my “highlight reel,” you’d think we had a relatively easy life, and I’m sure the same is true for you.
However, we are not the sum of our polished social media parts. Life is more complicated, messier, and more heartbreaking than our online presence reveals. The reality is we live in a world that has been broken by sin, and we are not promised that our lives will be untouched by challenges and hardships. In fact, Jesus tells us in John 16:33 that we will have trouble in this world. In his book, War in the Wilderness, Brian Haynes shares, “Every family in every nation in every socio-economic class will surely realize at one time or another that life is not as it should be, discovering suddenly the reality of the wilderness.” In the parenting journey, it’s not a matter of might or maybe, but when difficulty hits our lives.
I know some of your hearts are heavy, worn down, and broken right now. Maybe your child is terribly sick, is the victim of abuse, or has special needs. Where you used to have confidence as a parent, you suddenly feel powerless, and you ache knowing that this isn’t the path you imagined for your child and your family. Whatever your challenge is, your world can feel like it has shifted out from under your feet. Under normal life circumstances, parenting is hard, but entrenched in upheaval, parenting is exponentially more difficult.
You are not alone. My husband and I have been there with our children. There have been times you could have found me lying in a sobbing heap on the floor, fighting to breathe, begging God to intervene, yearning to turn the clock back to a time when what seemed difficult looked so minuscule in comparison to today’s distress. At one particularly dark time, I all but destroyed my Bible, tearing pages out of it. I was unable to see God’s goodness at that moment because the fog of despair was so heavy. I was deeply angry that He did not prevent evil from having its way in my children’s lives.
Through seasons of pain and heartache as parents, the Lord has been faithful in holding out hope, healing, and peace – especially when we have been too deeply enveloped in our feelings of despair. Whenever trouble starts to rise up again, as it often does, my husband and I remind ourselves of what we’ve learned along the way.
If you are in the midst of a trial and find yourself with huge emotions and more questions than answers, I want to share with you some of the lessons the Lord has so graciously taught us.
It’s okay to be honest with God. Psalm 139:1-2 says, “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.” He already knows what you’re feeling, so you can let it out. Don’t be afraid to express the depth of your desperation, anger, and fear. Even if your anger and confusion are directed toward Him, be honest about it. He is not surprised by anything we have to say. Giving voice to the questions and tumultuous emotions you’re experiencing is often the very thing that opens your heart to His overwhelming peace.
You are not a failure. When our children are in pain and life is far from what we dreamed, we look to place blame somewhere. In our struggles, we can easily believe that we’re somehow at fault – that we didn’t do enough, say enough, pray enough, protect enough, etc. When senseless suffering surrounds our families, and we look inward to find a reason, we can feel that we’ve failed our kids. However, the blame often lies with a very real enemy whose only intent is evil. Even if the Lord shows us things we need to confess and seek forgiveness for, we are parents who rely on God’s grace and mercy, not parents who are failures.
God has not abandoned you. There are times when God seems very far away. It’s hard to feel Him near when the walls of pain are closing in, but Psalm 9:10 gives us this reassurance: “Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.” There are many accounts throughout Scripture about God’s constant presence in both times of joy and times of sorrow. His character has not and does not change. It’s important to remind your mind and heart of this truth to quiet your feelings that try to tell you otherwise.
God redeems and restores. Romans 8:28 tells us, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” We can be confident that even when pain closes in, there is another chapter being written in the story of our lives. It may be hard to see the how and to wait for the when, but you can be assured that He will. As we accept the comfort He offers in times of trouble, He also equips us to minister to others (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). We can experience a tremendous amount of growth in our faith and trust, and that testimony makes a difference in other people’s lives. It doesn’t negate the trials, but it does bring a tremendous amount of peace.
On the day I tore my Bible apart, I put the mess in a drawer I rarely use until there came a day when I knew I needed to repair it. As I fit the pages back together, I asked the Lord’s forgiveness for things I had done that grieved His heart, and He poured out a deeper level of healing to my brokenness. While I used piece after piece of tape, God brought to mind the many times He came near to my family, even through unimaginable pain.
I don’t know the details of what has happened in your family to bring you heartache. What I do know firsthand are the following truths: Our God is faithful when life is easy and when we’re in the middle of the hard moments when parenting hurts. His faithfulness hasn’t changed. Our prayers never go unheard, even if the answers are long in coming or not the ones we wanted to see. Our only certain hope is in the One who knows and loves each of us far beyond our understanding. I pray that the Lord will overwhelm you with His compassion and assure you of His love as He speaks peace to your storm.
