Entrusted To Our Care
When our oldest daughter was born, I remember the overwhelming wonder I felt along with the daunting responsibility for the care and keeping of this tiny human being. She relied on us for everything. Suddenly, our world was consumed with learning all about her and the things she needed from us – not just her physical needs, which were easy, but her emotional and spiritual needs as well.
The role you play in shaping and forming your child’s life is vitally important and irreplaceable. The Lord has called you to lead and guide his or her development in all areas. In the same way, a pastor cares for the needs of the body; you have a small church at home to shepherd. Attending to your child’s emotional and spiritual needs demonstrates God’s loving kindness toward them.
So, what are some ways you can care for your children emotionally?
Emotional Care
- Offer unconditional love. God never holds back His love for us based on anything we’ve done or not done. In fact, He lavishes His love upon us in spite of what we do. Romans 5:8 reminds us of this, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” When we show our children that our love for them has no strings attached, we communicate acceptance and security.
- Speak their love language. We all receive and express love in different ways. According to author and minister Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Love Languages of Children, the most common love languages are words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, physical touch, and quality time. All of these things communicate love to children and should be part of our regular interactions with them, but typically, one resonates with a child the most. Pay attention to the things that make your child light up.
- Praise them for who they are. It’s natural for us to praise our kids’ accomplishments, and there’s nothing wrong with doing that. However, when we focus our attention primarily on achievements, it communicates that performance is what’s most important. Instead, look for ways to highlight your child’s character qualities. When they stick with something that’s hard, praise their determination. If you see them demonstrate compassion toward others, tell him or her. Pay attention to the godly traits that are evident in their lives and share that those are ways they glorify the Lord and show others who He is.
- Give them words to express their feelings. Children experience really big emotions just like adults, but they don’t always have the language to communicate how they’re feeling. Temper tantrums and misbehavior are often expressions of emotions kids don’t know what to do with, like anger, frustration, sadness, or fear. Although their outbursts can elicit our own impatience and frustration, we need to approach their chaos with love and understanding. It doesn’t mean we don’t correct the actions, but it does indicate there’s a heart issue that needs our help to untangle. Offer empathy first, name the emotion (I can see you are angry/sad/scared right now.), and give options to help them calm down, like a quiet space or hugs. Oftentimes, your calmness will help diffuse the huge emotions so you can correct and guide. Even when it doesn’t seem to change the outburst, stick with it. You are building a foundation for healthy coping skills.
- Establish boundaries and follow through on discipline. Children need clear boundaries and consistent consequences. When they don’t, it’s easy for them to feel like their environment is unsafe and insecure. As a family, communicate the reasons you have the rules that you have. Help your child understand the boundaries you set are because you love them and want to protect them. Even though none of us likes to be disciplined, it does teach us how to live in a godly way. Hebrews 12:5-7 talks about how the Lord disciplines those He loves. In the same way, we need to follow His example. When your child needs to be corrected, express the inappropriate behavior, restate the rule, and lovingly enforce the consequence. Over time, this is a huge benefit to your child’s emotional regulation.
Spiritual Care
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 is perhaps one of the most quoted passages in relation to the responsibility parents have to spiritually lead their children. It not only tells us how to relate to God, but it also gives an example of how we can guide our kids to love the Lord with all their heart, soul, and strength. Bringing God into every aspect of our family’s lives as we go about the day makes a huge impact as we set the example of what it looks like to live out a life of faith and obedience.
This can seem like a daunting endeavor. We can feel inadequate for this role. It can be tempting to leave spiritual instruction to the church. But, as parents, the Lord has called us to be the primary spiritual influence in our children’s lives, and He will give us the wisdom and ability to walk in this role.Here are some ways you can live out this calling in the life of your child.
- Lead by example. You cannot provide spiritual guidance without your own vibrant walk with the Lord. Take the time daily to learn and grow in your relationship with Him. Read your Bible, spend time in prayer, practice listening to the Lord’s voice, use the gifts and talents He has given you to serve others and don’t neglect your need to be in relationship with other Christians through small groups and church services. Your children carefully watch what you do, and if your words and actions are consistent, they are more apt to follow in your footsteps.
- Establish times for family worship. A lot of us hear “family worship” and feel intimidated by the picture it brings to mind. However, worshiping the Lord with your children is unique from home to home, depending on the stage of life your family is in. It may look like reading a verse at the dinner table, expressing what the verse means to you, inviting your kids to share their thoughts, and memorizing God’s Word together. You can sing along to worship songs in the car as you go about your day. Seek out opportunities to serve others together, like helping a neighbor with yard work or greeting at church. Talk about what you are all learning in church and utilize the materials your church leaders provide.
- Pray for and with your children. Make conversation with God a regular part of your family’s day. Meals and bedtime naturally lend themselves to moments of prayer, but look for other chances to stop and pray. If you find out someone you know has a need, invite your kids to join you as you pray for them. Demonstrate prayers of gratitude for the Lord’s blessings and His love, along with prayers asking God to intervene in certain situations. Teach your kids that prayer is a conversation with God. There are no special words that need to be used, and it doesn’t have to be formal. It’s talking with and listening to the Lord.
- Have spiritual conversations together. Deuteronomy 6:7 says we should talk about the Lord and follow Him as we go about our normal everyday life. Share what you are learning about the Lord and what He’s teaching you, and ask your children to share, too. It may have become a Christian cliche, but the question “What would Jesus do?” is a great one to discuss when processing difficulties and problems. Talk about the ways you see God in your day, and ask your kids when they saw Him during their day as well. Even little ones have big things to say about the Lord.
- Help your children understand their great need for a Savior. Sometimes, we shy away from discussing the consequences of sin, but God’s Word is very clear that the price is death. It’s beneficial to express when something is sinful and the terrible effects it has on us and others. Make confession part of your family’s life. When you make a mistake, tell your children about it and how you acknowledge it before the Lord and ask for His forgiveness. Apologize when you’ve been wrong and ask for your child to forgive you. This tells our kids that we all sin, but there’s a path of forgiveness. Growing up knowing how damaging sin is and that we all make choices at times that are contrary to God’s best helps children understand the magnitude of what Jesus did for us on the cross.
In order to provide emotional and spiritual care in the lives of our children, we need wisdom and strength from the Lord. We can provide as much as we can for them, but we cannot meet every need that our kids have – only He can do that. Surround yourself with like-minded friends who can support you as you embrace your leadership role in your family. Trust Him to guide you in understanding and leading your children well.
