Embracing Identity Through Community
A few years ago, I was in a focus group with a bunch of college students where we were talking about some of the bigger issues of life. As we moved into talking about how they were growing and developing, one of them said, “Middle and high school are both a slaughter ground for a kid who has no sense of identity.” Over the last decade, the conversation about identity and how adolescents sort through the question, “Who am I?” has ramped up, and I am thankful for that. When it comes to building their identity, our kids are in a battle and we, as their parents, need to be in the fight with them. As kids move out of elementary school and into middle and high school, they will try on different versions of themselves in an effort to discern who they are. They sometimes move between multiple identities each day, depending on the situation they are in or the people they are with. This process can be stressful, painful, and confusing, and it can leave teens with some enormous emotional baggage.
Just last week, I led a breakout session at a summer camp where, when I asked middle school students to tell me about their identity, they used words like broken, anxious, losers, and nobody. Teenagers today don’t know who they are, and they don’t have a solid foundation to stand on while trying to figure it out. They are bombarded with ideas, images, and possibilities, and they don’t have the capacity to sort it all out. One young adult said it this way: “We’re forced from a young age to develop our identity in several different layers. We’re asked, ‘What are you going to be when you grow up?’ so we have to think about work. We have to decide about politics and social issues. We are trying to figure out how we are connected to our family and how we think spiritually. You are often forced to make a stance on things that you have no idea about.” One college student said, “When you pick an identity, you can feel like you are stuck and there is no way out.” Once a kid or teen is labeled by the masses, it can be incredibly hard to overcome what has been put on them. Another student said, “I have so many different boxes that people try to put me in. I feel like if I try to fully go into one box, I get pulled apart on the inside.” Add on the growing confusion and social pressure regarding gender identity, and it is no wonder kids are overwhelmed. So, what do they do? They stuff it all down and don’t know how to respond.
As parents, we have the opportunity, and I would argue the responsibility, to help our teens land on a healthy identity that is rooted in Christ and their relationship with Him. I can honestly say that the best way we can do this is to surround them with solid, Christian role models who can be the voices they need to hear as they figure out who they are. The world and the secular culture we are all living in will push them away from God and embrace an identity in Him. They will see and hear things that will entice them to chase worldly pleasures and treasures. We need to make sure that they have the right voices speaking to them during a critical time of life. They need a solid community that is sharing stories of faith and hope as they discern who God has created them to be.
Another way our teens will gravitate towards embracing an identity in Christ is if they see you doing the same. Have you, as an adult, landed on the truth that you are, first and foremost, a child of God? Do you find yourself living in the “peace that transcends understanding” that scripture talks about, or do you get swept up in the ways of the world as you live and parent? In order to stay true to your identity, you, too, need to be surrounded by people who will love and encourage you in your true identity. You need positive, affirming voices that can help you become the parents God has called you to be as you lead your kids to embrace the identity you want them to have.
