Being the Calm in the Chaos
If you serve in ministry long enough, you start to notice something about parents and what they’re looking for. Most parents don’t come to church looking for experts; they come looking for relief. They need relief from feeling behind. They need relief from feeling confused. They need relief from the quiet fear that they’re already messing things up, and they are failing as a parent. I can remember feeling all of these things when our kids were little and so seemingly impressionable.
The pace of our culture and the messages it sends seem to make things harder. All of life has become complicated and loud, and parents of young kids feel it. Their children are picking up language, behaviors, and emotions that seem far beyond their age. Screens feel unavoidable. Attention feels harder to sustain. And many parents carry an unspoken pressure to “get it right” before they even know what “it” even is.
As children’s ministry leaders, one of the most important roles we play is not helping parents keep up with culture but helping them slow down in the middle of it. Parents don’t need another voice telling them everything they should be worried about or the next thing they need to do. They need leaders who can be a steady, calm presence. They need encouragers who remind them that formation doesn’t happen in a single moment, but it happens over time, through relationships, rhythms, and repeated experiences of grace.
One of the healthiest mind shifts we can invite parents into is the idea that they need to stop trying to control everything that comes into their child’s life and start paying closer attention to what’s being formed within their child. Parents often feel pressure to monitor every influence, but that quickly leads to exhaustion and fear. Instead, we can help them focus on the heart. They can pay more attention to how their child responds to the world around them, not just what the world is offering.
This means helping parents notice patterns rather than panic. Is their child easily overstimulated? Quick to compare themselves to others? Deeply sensitive to tone and emotion? Easily distracted or overwhelmed? These aren’t failures, they’re clues. And when parents learn to see them that way, discipline becomes discipleship, and correction becomes guidance rather than control.
Another gift we can offer parents is permission to lead with empathy. Many parents worry that empathy will undermine authority or boundaries. In reality, empathy strengthens both. When kids feel understood, they are far more open to direction. Empathy slows the moment down. It asks, “What might my child be experiencing right now?” rather than, “How do I fix this as fast as possible?”
As leaders, we have the opportunity to model this posture in how we interact with kids in our ministries. We can get on their level, listen before we correct, name feelings, and respond with patience. When parents see empathy modeled consistently, it reshapes how they understand leadership at home.
We can also help parents reframe success. In a culture that values performance, outcomes, and measurable results, parents often feel pressure to raise “well-behaved” kids. But behavior alone is a shallow metric. Connection, trust, and emotional safety are far better indicators of long-term formation. Rules matter, but relationships matter more. Kids who feel secure and loved are far more receptive to wisdom and guidance over time.
Perhaps most importantly, we can remind parents that faith formation is not about creating perfect environments, it’s about creating a faithful presence. A home centered on Jesus doesn’t require elaborate devotions or constant spiritual language. It grows through simple rhythms like praying before bed, naming gratitude at dinner, talking honestly about mistakes, and reminding kids that God’s love will never leave them.
Romans 12:2 calls us to resist being shaped by the patterns of this world and instead be transformed by the renewing of our minds. For parents of young kids, that renewal often begins with releasing fear and embracing trust. We’re talking about a trust that God is at work, not just when we are at church, but in everyday moments at home.
The culture will keep moving fast. Trends will keep changing. Screens will keep multiplying. But children are formed most deeply by consistent, loving, faithful adults who show up again and again. As children’s ministry leaders, we don’t just teach kids; we shepherd parents. And when we become a calm, grace-filled presence for families, we help them lead their kids with confidence, connection, and hope in the middle of a chaotic world.
