Let's Be Honest

Ministry comes with numerous challenges, but being honest with yourself may be the most difficult. It means being able to see ourselves clearly. But too often, shame actually keeps us from doing this. Let me give you an example that I think will help.

There is a ton of research out there that can help us do our jobs better. There are a ton of studies out there that can help us understand cultural trends. The resources at times are endless. And, for the most part, most of us want to do a good job.

WHAT’S IN THE RESEARCH

Now I’m not here to provide exact quotes, but much of the research or studies tells us what people think about the Bible, or pastors, or the church, etc. It tells us how many people are following Jesus these days, or what Gen Z is really looking for, or how much influence the church has today. But one thing I notice in these studies, maybe not all, but most often have one little reminder in it that we tend to completely ignore (or just roll our eyes at as we see it yet again).

People think, “Christians are hypocritical and judgmental.”

It feels like I see and hear this phrase all the time. Since we are being honest here, sometimes I even think all I am is hypocritical and judgmental. Maybe you do too. Yet, we do not really pay attention to this reality, maybe it’s because we are numbed to seeing, hearing, and thinking it. But maybe it’s because we do not want to or know how to deal with it. After all, it’s the common denominator in most of the data and research. I’m not going to argue whether or not it’s a fair statement. But I bring this up, not to shake a finger at anyone (or to sound, dare I say, judgmental?) but to say we need to start being a little more honest with ourselves, and in doing so break the power of shame in us and our ministry.

“Christians are hypocritical and judgmental” is something we need to start being honest about. This is by no means the only way this plays out, but it just jumps out at me. Without sounding too harsh here, maybe we don’t pay attention to the line, “Christians are hypocritical and judgmental,” because we’d rather look through the data about how to grow our ministry bigger, or make it better, or some form of that. And why? Probably because deep down, we are concerned with what others think of us, or we are probably a little greedier than we’d like to acknowledge. I find that I am constantly concerned about what others think of me, and so to make up for that, I want to appear as though things are better than they are, or at least equal to what it’s often assumed they should look like in ministry.

MY OWN EXAMPLE

Here is a way I think we can all relate to on some level. Several years ago, I deleted my social media accounts. And it was incredibly hard. I labored over hitting the delete button (doesn’t that sound ridiculous?). I found myself having a real inability to just let them go. If I am honest, it’s probably because I was afraid I was going to miss out on something. On some level, I needed social media (that sounds ridiculous to say, too). I pretended it was for sports information, but truthfully, I probably spent more time “one-upping” people than anything else. It was a source of pride. I made fun of people to look good or look smarter. I made fun of people and their need for “likes.” But here is a little secret. I needed those too. I was the same. Whoops.

I think we are all capable of being the thing we say we aren’t. And as a student pastor, all of us have talent, gifting, ability, and intelligence. But do we have the character that can handle the success that those things can create?

How excited do you get for other people’s success? That probably says a lot about us.

Ever taught a message to your students that you knew you didn’t practice? I have. And then did you feel bad about it later, or like a hypocrite? I’m sure we all have.

HONESTY LEADS TO HEALTH

Why is this important? I think it’s incredibly important today because for our students who are starving for authenticity, a student pastor who is willing to be honest might just be what they need, and even want. Being honest with yourself and your students can actually build a healthy student ministry. If our students don’t hold a view of us that we have all this figured out, then they will not feel unnecessary pressure to have it all figured out. And perhaps the greatest benefit to our ministries that honesty brings is that it destroys shame. It breaks down its power over us and our students. Honesty keeps our students returning because they know, no matter how bad they may have messed up, or how bad they think they’ve messed up, they will not experience a church culture of shame in their student ministry when they most likely experience it everywhere else.

So, this is no easy task. Being honest with ourselves is really hard. But it can be really powerful for us and our students.

“For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. Romans 12:3.

Share your thoughts with others in our YM360 community:

1. What is an area in your life you need to be a little more honest with yourself?
2. How can you begin to create a culture of honesty within your student ministry?

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