Skip to content
- Helping Youth Pastors Disciple Students Since 2010 -
- Helping Youth Pastors Disciple Students Since 2010 -
Leaving Well

Leaving Well

“…We’re all temporary”.

“At the end of the day, we’re all temporary.” Those were the words I was reminded of by one of my favorite pastors I listen to, during a time I desperately needed to hear it. He was speaking to a group of other pastors at a conference, and he reminded the group that, as ministers, we’re called to our church for only a season. The thing about seasons is that they have a beginning and an end.

Mine had just ended that week.   

With a heavy heart, I announced my resignation from my church the previous Sunday. As is the nature of ministry, I won’t divulge the details in this blog. Thankfully, I can say it was not due to any moral failure on my part or the church’s part. Regardless, the decision came as a shock to our church family after it was announced. As I tried to tackle each question, the most truthful reply I could come up with was, “It wasn’t a part of our plan, but it was a part of God’s plan.”

Equip the parents connected to your ministry to handle issues like technology, sexting, pornography, video games, and more in their homes with Screen Smarts! 

The weeks that followed were a flurry of emotions, ranging from denial, anger, depression, and every other emotion in the stages of grief. In truth, I really felt like something had died inside of me. I had spent the summer making plans for the fall and beyond, and then everything changed. It felt as though my hopes and dreams for the ministry were ripped away from me.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

God is still good, even in our pain and heartache. In the days after my resignation was announced, my wife and I received a flood of calls, texts, and notes from people who cared deeply about us. We had truly involved ourselves in the life of our church, and we felt so much love from God’s people. Another youth pastor, a close friend of mine, told his church about our situation. Their church graciously offered counseling for my wife and me to help us make sure we were in the best place spiritually for wherever God would take us next. We also received financial gifts from friends and family as we walked through a difficult season. Even though I felt like my pain was too loud to hear God at times, He was still speaking to me and showing us His goodness. 

After I’ve had some time to think about everything that’s happened, let me offer some practical advice that may help you leave well if you find yourself in this situation.

TAKE TIME TO PROCESS AND PRAY.

Whatever the reason might be, you need time and space to work through what’s happened. Some youth pastors are given a few months of severance, while others are given only a few weeks. Either way, make time to just sit and think. Consider starting a journal and writing down your thoughts and feelings. Then, schedule a time to get away and be with God. Maybe you can only manage a few hours, or if it’s possible, plan a weekend away at a retreat center. However you do it, don’t let the fear and anxiety of trying to find a new job overwhelm you to the point you don’t make time to heal. If you haven’t healed before starting your next ministry position, you’ll do more harm than good.

RESIST EVIL.

James 4:7 reminds us, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” The devil is always working against our ministries. I believe he works even harder when we’re out of it to make sure we stay out of it. Resist evil by continuing to spend time with the Lord each day, and ask God to check your heart. If you’re asked to leave your church, chances are you’re angry and want to tell certain people exactly what you think of them. Don’t let the enemy use you to destroy your ministry on the way out the door. Don’t allow the poisonous thoughts in your mind to destroy your heart.

There may be parents and volunteers you trust, and you want to tell them the whole story. Unless leadership is hiding something that could be considered a crime, you shouldn’t tell them. Here’s why: you don’t want to be seen as someone who’s trying to tear down leadership as you leave. It hurts the church and your own credibility. It could even affect your chances at the next place you serve. If your church’s leadership is truly toxic, people will figure it out eventually (if they haven’t already).

FIND COMMUNITY.

Let’s be real: ministry can be lonely. It can feel even more lonely when you leave. That’s why it’s so important to build relationships outside of your church. Your volunteers should be your friends, but they can’t be your only friends. If you haven’t already, make a point to meet and connect with other local youth pastors. Find mentors and meet with them on a regular basis. Even if you’re in the middle of nowhere, try to make friends in Facebook groups. In other words, don’t wait until a crisis happens to build your support system.   

When you leave your church, don’t leave the Church. Don’t start sleeping in on Sundays because you feel like you’ve earned it after years of lock-ins (there is a crown of glory waiting for you, my friend)! Find a local church to get plugged into; visit a friend’s church or one you’ve always wanted to check out. Continue to meet and worship with God’s people.

My hope is that God allows you to stay where you’re serving as long as possible. But when that season ends, how will you respond? Resolve in your heart now to keep the right attitude. Other youth pastors in your area may be having doubts about where they’re serving. How can we encourage each other to stick around through the hard times? Sometimes, we just need a friend to remind us that God will get us through.


Share your thoughts with others in our YM360 community:

  1. If you’re currently serving in ministry, have you thought about how you’d want to leave? What are examples you’ve seen or heard about other pastors leaving well?
  2. Sometimes the best way to be encouraged is to encourage someone else. Have you made an effort to reach out to other local youth pastors and meet up with them? Ask them how you can pray for them, and then follow up.

Previous article Beyond a Thank You: Showing Leaders That You Care
Next article A True Disciple

Comments

Rick Harris - January 24, 2025

I also, like many other youth pastors have been asked to leave a church position. Many good points in the article. I would add just a couple of things.
First, the idea of leaving well that was stated in the article, I agree with totally. In one case a church member from a church I had been asked to leave over 10 years earlier, was now a church member at a church that I was interviewing for. She stood and spoke so positive to the church about me. Always leave well.
My second point is to youth ministers reading this. If you hear of someone who has been asked to leave, contact them and ask to take them to lunch. At lunch encourage them to tell their story. Don’t judge, don’t look to give advice. Look to just listen. The person needs that.
Stay with ministry if God has called you to it. I have been asked to leave 3 churches and left my last church on my own, but with a leadership change. I am now close to retirement (just a few years) and will be retiring as a student pastor.

Joshua Smith - January 24, 2025

After leaving my Student Pastor role after 10 years and 14 with the ministry, I will agree with all of these suggestions. I was the only paid person but had a volunteer assistant who left simultaneously. I would only add one thought, set the stage for the next person to succeed. If there is a team in the ministry who will be there for the next person, then share information and thoughts with them. If not, like in my case, I created a binder of information, that had information regarding families and students, all our forms and on a flash drive, a calendar of events that we had ongoing, and other useful information that I wanted to pass on. It, unfortunately, did not help in my case, but I truly wanted to see the ministry thrive and continue to make a difference in the lives of the students who would go through it. Just my two cents.

Leave a comment

* Required fields