Discipling Students By Discipling Parents

In an article they published in 2018 titled “Parents and Pastors: Partners in Gen Z Discipleship,” Barna found that many youth pastors believed that the most significant factor affecting their Gen Z teenagers’ spiritual experiences was not a lack of consistent participation or even “undoing” what the world teaches them. Rather, it was their students’ parents/guardians not prioritizing their teen’s spiritual growth. Is that true for your experience, too? If so, you’re in good company because student pastors across the country are in the same boat. When people ask me what the greatest roadblock is that my students have to overcome in order to truly flourish in Jesus, I tell them that it’s not TikTok or the “party scene,” as many people might assume. Rather, it’s what’s happening at home.

However, Barna also shared this helpful conclusion their research also came to specifically regarding parents/guardians: “Surprisingly, one in five says they do not feel prepared to address ‘tough’ questions about Christianity, God or the Bible. One in seven feels unprepared to talk about the foundational beliefs of Christianity. And about the same number struggles to address spiritual and moral relativism—which, as we’ve seen, is a potent challenge to Gen Z faith.”

The question I thought of as I was reading this research is this: Could there be a correlation between parents not being engaged because they’re not equipped? And if that could possibly be the case, then who’s stepping in to help them? I truly believe that for all of us on the front lines, this is a reality we simply can’t ignore. I am confident that there is nobody better positioned or better equipped than youth pastors and ministers alike to try and be the solution to this glaring problem that our students are experiencing the negative effects of.

I recognize that the last thing most youth ministry staff need is one more thing to their plate, so please don’t read this as just another box for you to check! Rather, I hope you hear this in a way that’s encouraging and challenging as you consider this question – could God be inviting you to partner with Him in bridging this gap?

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Here are two things to pray through and consider as you think through what your and your ministry’s roles are in bridging this gap between students and parents:

1. Proverbs 13:20 tells us this: “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” I’m sure you’ve preached a sermon or had a conversation with a student in the last year, maybe even the last 6 months, about the influence those we spend time with can have on us. I know I have! That is a topic that comes up frequently in our line of work, but I would be willing to bet that most of the time, our approach is centered around our students’ friends, teammates, or even dating relationships. Those are worthy things as we consider this verse and the many others like it, but have you considered who our students spend the most time with? Who are they walking with the most in life while they’re in our ministries? The answer is their families! If we are seeking to equip parents and guardians with the truths of Scripture in order to help their teen walk more faithfully with Jesus, we are actually seeking to help parents and guardians grow in wisdom! If we are seeking to help parents and guardians grow in wisdom, then we are, in turn, providing our students with more voices of true godly wisdom around them. If Proverbs 13:20 is true, then that means our students will then become wiser themselves, which will equip and empower them to walk more faithfully with Jesus. What a beautiful reality to consider!

2. In Exodus 20:5-6, God says, “You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments.”

The idea of God bringing consequences to the third and fourth generations might seem harsh or even arbitrary, but what is God really saying here? Interestingly enough, this is found in the second book of the Torah, the first being Genesis – one that this audience would’ve been very familiar with. What do we see in Genesis over and over? The generational repetition of sins. Think about the story of the second generation of humanity – Cain and Abel. Then, fast forward to Lamech, a few generations later, who becomes a significantly more wicked person and murderer than his ancestor Cain. Consider the stories of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. What do we see over and over? Humans are predictable in our failure – especially predictable in becoming contributors to the cascade of generational sin. Now, we know that each person and generation is accountable before God for their own choices, but the sins and failures of a parent will inevitably have a negative impact on their child. Although the difficult ripple effects of generational sin are not the child’s fault, they are the child’s responsibility to navigate.

What does that have to do with us and this conversation about seeking to bridge the gap between parents and students? If generational sin is real and the impact on our students is real, then trying to build a bridge between students and parents is actually inviting your student into this promise from a God who keeps His word – a promise to show His faithful love and keep His people from stumbling to all the generations after. Providing resources and creating space for parents and students alike to have conversations about recognizing, naming, and walking away from generational sin patterns could potentially change the trajectory of not just your students’ lives but the lives of all that will come after and be impacted by them.

I know I’ve said it already, but I’ll say it again: I believe there is nobody better positioned or equipped than youth ministry workers to fill this gap. Whether it’s providing Scriptures and questions for students and parents to discuss together or providing equipping classes for parents on topics their Gen Z children are facing every day, or whatever the Lord leads you to do in this arena, I am certain that He will honor our efforts as we seek to be bridge-builders – brick by brick, one family at a time.

Share your thoughts with others in our YM360 community:

• How do you try to equip the parents in your ministry to disciple their children well?
• What major roadblocks do you run into when it comes to equipping parents? How do you approach these problems?

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