Confessions of a Midlife Youth Pastor

“I thought I’d be in a different place in my ministry…”

“Am I still able to do this?”

“Do I want to be in youth ministry forever?”

If you’ve been in ministry for long, you’ve likely thought these questions to yourself. Maybe you wouldn’t say them out loud to someone else, but those thoughts are there. We wonder if we should be in a bigger church. Our bodies remind us that we aren’t able to play youth ministry games like we used to. We ask ourselves if the only course is to step into a senior pastor position one day. The longer we’re in ministry, it’s natural for questions or doubts like these to creep in. But I hope as we unpack concerns like these, this blog can encourage you, as I share where I’m at as a midlife youth pastor.

This year I turn 40 years old. I know there are some youth ministry vets out there who might say I’m just getting started, and I salute you! But for where I’m at, I’ve been in youth ministry longer than my students have been alive! That changes how you see student ministry. I have a daughter of my own, who’s a 6^th grader in my youth group. Having your own kids in the youth group really changes how you do youth ministry (for one thing, you’re more aware of how often you use your children as illustrations in your message)! But it’s also changed how I teach and what I preach. The window to pour into the lives of students feels like it’s become so much smaller, because I see my own daughter growing up before my eyes every day.

I’m blessed to see the next generation of youth pastors stepping up. It’s exciting to see young men and women who love Jesus and love students, making an impact in the kingdom of God. When I look at them and my peers, I’ll sometimes see others who are in a place I would like to be. They might have a bigger youth group, a better building, a growing podcast, or have published a book. I’m excited for their success, but there’s a part of me that wishes I were there too. It makes me wonder if I’m doing something wrong or if I missed something along the way. 

Share With Someone You Trust

Let me just say, it’s OK to say how you feel. People entering my stage of life ask these questions, whether they’re in ministry or not. You start becoming more introspective, looking back at what you’ve done, and wondering whether you made the right decisions or not. Don’t think you need to hide those questions away or ignore them. Find a trusted friend, or even a counselor, and voice those concerns. Just saying them out loud can lighten the load of carrying them. But I believe the next step is even more important. 

Pray Through It

Pray. Pray and ask the Lord if these questions are a sign of something deeper. We all become reflective sometimes. But if those worries start consuming your thoughts, or turn into anger and bitterness, then you need to repent. Don’t forget, everything that’s led you to this moment has been a part of God’s plan. You wouldn’t be where you are without Him leading you there. Instead, choose to be thankful. Choose to say, “Lord, I know the journey to where I am now has had its ups and downs, but thank You for never letting me go. Thank You for being with me every step of the way. Thank You for Your faithfulness.”

Comparison Steals

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Comparison is the thief of joy”, and it’s true. When we look at other ministries and their success, we take our eyes off our own flock. The flock that God has entrusted to us. Yes, there are youth pastors out there who may reach more students than you ever will. But guess what? They’ll never reach the students you already have. How are you pouring into them? God has given you the students you have, for this place, at this time. What a privilege! Like in Jesus’ parable of the talents, can he trust you with what has been given to you? Remember, God may choose to keep your group smaller than the church down the street, and that’s ok.

I’ll never forget going to a summer camp early on in my ministry and meeting another youth pastor. After some small talk, I asked him how many students he had with him this week. He told me how he had over 500 there. After I picked my jaw off the floor, he asked me the same question. I sheepishly said, “About a dozen kids”. His response took me off guard. He said, “Dude! That’s amazing! You have the chance to disciple twelve students this week!” To me, this was someone who ‘made it’ in the youth ministry world. He continued, “I would love the chance to pour into a group like that. With 500 teenagers, I’m more of a leader of leaders now. I help and train my small group leaders to disciple our students. I hardly know any of our students’ names. Man, you’re gonna have a great week with those kids.” This youth pastor had ‘made it’ alright, but not because of the number of students in his youth group. It was because he understood what really mattered. That was a turning point for how I saw youth ministry.    

Remember God’s Call

Maybe you need to remind yourself why you said, “Yes” to God’s calling to youth ministry. Write it down in a journal, every detail you can remember; how you felt, the doors God opened, and the people who encouraged you to pursue your calling. Going back to that moment can help bring a flood of memories that remind us of our calling. You could make a list of all the students’ names you can remember. Take time to pray over each one. As you do, you’ll be reminded of how God worked in each heart, including yours.   

Lastly, don’t let routine suffocate innovation. In other words, don’t let what you’ve always done stop you from trying something new. Keep learning, keep growing. Youth ministry doesn’t look like it used to, and in some cases, that may be a good thing! A big part of longevity in ministry is community. Whether it’s in your area or online, find a group of other youth pastors and talk together. Connect with them and pray for each other. If you stick around, you may realize they’re facing a lot of the same issues you are. Read new books, listen to podcasts, and go to conferences. However young or old you are, don’t let your age or ability be an excuse for not developing as a leader. Keep growing and stay committed to improving the way you reach the next generation.

Share your thoughts with others in our YM360 community:

1. Where have you seen God’s faithfulness in your ministry journey, even in seasons that felt small or slow?
2. What’s at least one area of your leadership that would benefit from intentional growth this year? How will you develop it this year?