Living For An Audience of One
I really like to play golf. I don’t get to play nearly as much as I would like, and I’m certainly not a great golfer, but I’ve been navigating my way around golf courses since I was 14. Golf is a funny game. You can go from one round to the next (or even from one shot to the next) and move from, “I love this game!” to, “I’m never playing this stupid game again!” in a matter of minutes. Golf requires focus and concentration. It also requires you to be comfortable with being watched. You normally play with up to three other people, and when it’s your turn, everyone else stands around and watches you take your shot. There’s really nowhere to hide.
A few years ago, I was recently playing a round with some relatives on a busy day at the course. When the course is crowded, you often find yourself waiting on the group in front of you before you can hit your next shot. If the group behind you is playing faster, they can eventually arrive at their next shot while you are still waiting. They have nothing to do but sit there, wait for you, and watch. On one particular hole, I had put myself in a good position around the green. I had a type of shot that I really enjoy hitting, and I was in a great position to put together a good score on the hole.
As I got ready to hit the shot, I did something I probably shouldn’t have done. I looked up to see if the group behind us was watching. I’m not really sure why I looked. Maybe I wanted them to see me hit a great shot. After all, they had already seen me hit some pretty bad ones! But instead of focusing on the shot in front of me and my mechanics, my target, and simply hitting the best shot I could, I became focused on who was watching me perform. Let’s just say the ball did not respond well to the added pressure.
If I’m honest, I can do the exact same thing as a ministry leader. I can be right in the middle of doing what God has called me to do when, sometimes subtly, I stop and look around to see who’s watching. Am I doing enough? Does everyone think I’m doing a good job? Are the right people noticing? What will they think about this decision? How does this ministry compare to what someone else is doing?
It’s easy to begin performing instead of simply being faithful. We often want the right people to see us doing the right things because we want to look better in their eyes. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re doing it. Our insecurities can quietly convince us that we have to perform at a certain level to be accepted, valued, or respected. And when we start living that way, something changes. Instead of focusing on the work God has placed in front of us, we begin focusing on the people watching us do it. Instead of being our authentic selves, we begin managing perceptions. Instead of leading from confidence, we lead from comparison. Instead of pursuing faithfulness, we can become consumed with recognition.
That kind of pressure is exhausting. It can create stress and anxiety that God never intended for us to carry. We begin measuring ourselves by numbers, outcomes, opinions, applause, or the success of the person serving in the ministry down the hall. We can spend so much energy wondering how we are being perceived that we lose sight of why we started in the first place. That’s why I need to remember something I heard years ago:
I need to live for an audience of One.
Ultimately, God is the One I am living for. That doesn’t mean other people’s opinions don’t matter. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t listen, learn, receive feedback, or strive to do our work well. It means that the opinions of others cannot become the foundation of our identity or the measure of our worth. My identity is found in Christ, not in how well I preach, how successful a ministry becomes, how many people show up, how well a program works, or how others perceive me. God already knows me. God already loves me. And because of Jesus, I don’t have to perform for His approval.
Matthew 6:1 says, “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them.” Jesus goes on in Matthew 6:2–18 to talk about giving, praying, and fasting. In each case, He challenges His followers not to make their spiritual lives a performance for other people. Jesus is reminding us that there is a difference between doing something for God and doing something to be seen by people. That’s an important distinction for all of us, but especially for those of us who lead.
So, maybe today we need to stop looking around to see who’s watching. Maybe we need to put our eyes back on Jesus, trust the identity He has given us, and simply be faithful with what He has placed in front of us. We don’t have to prove ourselves. We don’t have to impress everyone. We don’t have to live under the pressure of being watched. We simply need to live faithfully before the One who matters most.
An audience of One is all we really need.
