Youth Ministry Essentials: Overcoming Frustration In Youth Ministry
I’m about to put my heart out there for everyone to see by admitting to something that many of us in ministry are afraid to verbalize. So here goes‚Ķ
I’m frustrated with the condition of many youth ministries in churches today. There‚ĶI said it.
So what is it that is so frustrating?
- I get frustrated watching churches and youth leaders fall for the latest “youth group” fad or “feel good” curriculum instead of teaching the principles of God’s Word.
- I get discouraged over the number of “spiritually apathetic” teens today (that are largely the result of their “spiritually apathetic” parents).
- I get annoyed that youth ministry isn’t taken seriously and that youth workers are sometimes considered glorified babysitters. I take youth ministry seriously. And so do you.
- And finally I get frustrated over other extracurricular activities that draw our students away from church, and the parents that allow it to happen.
(Whew! Suddenly I feel so much better . . . Thanks for letting me vent.)
Here’s the good thing. I’m not alone in my frustration. Nor am I without a way out.
I’m reminded of the story of Elijah.
Elijah had reached a point in his ministry that he was so frustrated, discouraged, and so afraid that he simply ran away. If you’ll recall, he ran fast and he ran far. After a break to be fed a buffet by an angel (which is, you know, pretty cool), he regained his energy, and spent forty days and forty nights in the desert. He finally came to a cave where he spent the night pouting.
We can all definitely relate to Elijah. How many times have we ran and hidden? How many times have we told God we’ve had enough? And sometimes in our frustrations we look and even expect God to do something BIG instead of taking the time to listen for His quiet whisper.
The convicting part of Elijah’s story for me is when God asks him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” When I take the time to stop complaining about the frustrations and really listen to God’s whisper, I hear those same words echo in my heart: “What are you doing here?” It’s then I realize I had been wasting my time sulking and complaining instead of answering God’s call to reach teenagers with the Gospel.
Overcoming our frustrations in ministry begins by submitting to God and listening for His response.
What does overcoming frustration look like from a practical standpoint? Here’s a few thoughts that have helped me. Maybe they will help you, too.
Do A Gut Check
Recently I sat down with a piece of paper and made two lists. At the top of the first column I wrote “successes,” and at the top of the second column I wrote “frustrations.” Guess which column was the longest? As I wrote out my lists I realized God had used me to reach the quiet shy kid who now shares the Gospel with everyone he meets . . . the girl with low self-esteem who now walks each day with confidence in Christ . . . and the rebellious comedian that came to church because his parents made him (who is now a youth pastor in a growing church.) I filled both sides of the paper with the joys and successes God has given me in ministry and I keep that list in my journal.
Can I suggest taking a moment to do a “gut” check in your own ministry? I’m sure you’ll have your own stories of success. It doesn’t mean you won’t be frustrated again. It’s just a great reminder of God’s work through you.
Adjust That Attitude
We’re always going to have frustrations. The goal is to begin to handle those frustrations with a different attitude. We’re told in Philippians 2:5, “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.” We can choose our attitude. We can either approach our frustrations in ministry with a selfish attitude or “press on” and look for opportunities to continue serving God and serving others.
Quit Complaining
We all need to be reminded of this! In Philippians 2:14, Paul writes “do everything without complaining or arguing.” When we get frustrated isn’t that what we spend our time doing? Complaining to God and others? How many times have we sat around with colleagues in the ministry spouting off only stories of discouragement and not stories of successes and salvations?
Listen For The Whisper
We simply must take time alone with God praying and listening for His whisper. That means stepping away from the office and/or anything that will cause a distraction (MP3, laptop, kids, etc.) and truly be alone with God. Psalm 46:10 urges us to slow down and realize that God is indeed God. We need to pour our heart out and truly be honest with ourselves and God. And while praying we need to dive into God’s Word and meditate on His principles first, before ideas found in the latest youth ministry magazine.
Seek Out Others
We also need to start talking to those with years of ministry experience who have faced frustration, hid in their own cave, heard God’s whisper, and responded positively. I am learning all the time that no matter how long I’m in youth ministry there is always going to be people who’ve been doing it longer. Their years of experience and wisdom can be a valuable tool and a huge encouragement.
Frustrations come. It’s part of the territory. But they do not have to stick around. And they don’t have to derail our ministries.
I’d love to hear how you deal with frustrations in your ministry.
Brian Ford Brian is founder & feature Writer of Xposed2Jesus. He’s been in youth ministry for 15 years as a youth pastor, writer and speaker. He’s also a Deep & Wide Youth Ministry Advocate for Dare 2 Share and a member of the Life in Student Ministry Mentor Team. Brian is currently serving with Agape Christian Church in Terre Haute, IN as the Student Ministries Pastor.
Great stuff Brian. I think your comments about Elijah’s escape of community was powerful and your emphasis to “seek out others” is very important. Even Job’s comforters, as miserable as they were, were still important for Job to flesh out what was going on in his life and what was not going on in his life. What helps me the most in my frustrations is to understand that there are certain “seasons” of frustrations in youth ministry. For example, August is a time when we tend to be frustrated more because all the hype of the summer is done, temperatures are hot, school is starting and there is a natural lull between summers and the fall charge.
Great post bro!
Thanks Robbie! With school starting and a new season for youth ministry is upon most of us we need to be encouraged and encourage others. I took a moment to pray for you and your ministry.
Thanks Brian. I will take a moment and pray for you as well. Thank you.
Brian, loved the article! Great stuff, and so practical and needed!
I get soo frustrated with the condition of the american teenager/parent in our churches and youth groups today.
Thanks for your timely reminder!
- jay
Brian, I think you hit on some great points to remember. The one thing I do when I’m frustrated is pray with anticipation and expectation that God is still working even when I don’t see evident “fruit of my labor”. I’ve seen many youth pastors take out their frustration on students under the guise of teaching or preaching. For me, I want to reshape the culture so I pray, model and speak inspiration instead of frustration.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Brian… good stuff!
Good stuff! It is frustrating to have parents who expect a lot of their Youth Pastor and all the while be “hands-off” in the Student Ministry.
In my frustration, I am working on over-communicating with our parents and equip them to lead their kids. Hopefully, we will be consistently reminding our parents they are the primary faith influencers of their kids.
St. Francis de Sales said, “Do not think that God is further from you when you are in the midst of the busyness which your vocation entails than He would be if you were enjoying a tranquil life.” Pure wisdom
Thanks for the encouragement!
I’m a parent who needs to vent!!!! Our youth minister feels that he’s “communicated” when we get a schedule of events. I want communication that instead includes his philosophy, his goals, his plan for Sunday school. I want retreats where parents are welcome, not where the only chaperones are childless or single. I want him to understand that we are not “uncommited” because we need a family night together after a busy week instead of bringing our child to a Friday night social function. I want him to support parent-led initiatives and not feel that his “official” youth group functions are the only efforts worth promoting. Sometimes parents do know what kids need/want. I want him to take down the “no parents allowed” sign in the junior high classroom. Can you sense my frustration?
Sarah,
First, thanks so much for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts. I do sense your frustration! And I think my first reaction is to be SO jealous of this youth minster of yours! I have been a volunteer youth worker for over a decade. You are my kind of parent! And the kind of parent my wife and I try to be to our daughters. I wish the parents of the students in all of our youth ministries were as engaged as you are. It seems like you have a very firm grasp on what you want to see accomplished in your child’s youth ministry. And I can imagine that it IS frustrating when you see this expectation not being met.
I don’t know your youth minister and can’t begin to try to address the situation (which, granted, is not what you are asking). I would ask if you have shared these concerns with him or her. And if you have, and they still aren’t being addressed, if you have taken the steps to help this individual? What we see so often is that youth workers have a passion for seeing teenagers grow closer to God. But often, they aren’t equipped to run a youth ministry. Maybe they are young and inexperienced. Or maybe they don’t have the skill set to organize and administrate (but, may be good teachers or communicators). If you have a vision for what you want to see accomplished, and have a sense of how it could be implemented, share this with your youth minister. (You might already have done this.) Attempt to come alongside him and help be a part of the solution to some of these issues.
Maybe you’ve done this, and maybe the individual leading your child and his or her friends is the wrong person for the job. Or it may be that he could use some help. Either way, I am sorry that you are frustrated. There are so many wonderful youth workers out there who would give an arm and a leg to have parents as intentional and engaged as you seem to be! Hang in there, and let us know if we can do anything to help in any way. Thanks for stopping by!