The Influence of Parents on Teenagers' Spiritual Growth
We’ve all had students in our ministry that just seem to “get it.” Spiritual things just seem to click with them and they truly value Christ. It’s always encouraging to watch these students grow.
On the other hand, if we’re honest, we’ve all had the students that cause us to want to bang our heads against the wall. They don’t get it and no matter how much knowledge they have, they don’t value Christ. I think all of us want to figure out what it is that separates these groups of students; what makes some of them “get it” and others to totally ignore it?
This smacked me in the face recently as I was thinking about a particular group of guy students in our ministry. They all go to the same school, have the same group of friends, have the same teachers, play the same sports with the same coaches, are in the same small groups class, come to the same Wednesday night services, and are in the same discipleship group. Notice a pattern here? They have tons of the same influences, get the same teaching at school and church, and are exposed to the same things in their group of friends.
So, the question has to be asked: Why are some of them growing spiritually and others drying up quicker than you could imagine?
As I started to think about each one of these guys, one thing started to stand out to me: their relationship with their parents. I’m not just talking about whether or not their parents are divorced or if their parents are generally good folks or not. I’m talking about the level of spiritual involvement their parents have in their lives. The ones whose parents are actively involved in their spiritual lives are steadily growing in their walks with Christ, whereas the ones who don’t communicate about spiritual things with their parents are as dry as can be.
As I was thinking about this, I started thinking about other students in our ministry and in the majority of cases, the same thing held true. I know there are exceptions, but the most of teenagers who communicate with their parents about their spiritual lives are more likely to grow consistently in their walks with Christ than a kid who never talks to their parents about these things.
My point in all this is to say this: It’s parents’ jobs to be the primary disciplers of their children, not ours. It can be tough because all parents aren’t doing this, but that’s no excuse for us to ignore it. If we truly care about our students, we’ll get down and dirty helping equip their parents to learn how to disciple them. After all, teenagers’ relationship with their parents is one that will last long after we’re out of the picture.
Mark Jenkins is the Student Ministry Associate at Shades Mountain Baptist Church (www.shades.org), in Birmingham, AL. He works primarily with high school students. He and his wife Michelle have been married for six years and have one daughter, Addison, and another one due in the Summer of 2010.
Share your thoughts with the youthministry360 community:
- What are a couple of ways you are equipping your parents? Is it resources? Training?
- Do you find parents to be accessible? How many (if any) are resistant to your efforts to involve them?
What else is on your mind? We want to hear from you . . .
That is a good point. Thinking about my own youth group I can say that seems to run true (although the youth have shown little growth at all, just like their parents.) So, what can we do about it? Jesus taught that this would be a problem, do you have any solutions?
Great point, great question . . . It seems to me that on some level, there is only so much you can do. Which is the great Catch 22 of the current conversation in youth ministry about a move to a more family-centered ministry approach. “Youth workers can’t do it all” and we must understand from a biblical standpoint that parents are intended to be the chief disciplers of teens. But, “youth workers can’t do it all,” and if a parent is unwilling (or possibly unequipped) to disciple his or her teen, there really is only so much a youth worker can do to influence parents.
I think as youth workers we have to be accountable to God, and at a certain level must understand our work is limited by what goes on in the homes. We must strive to craft ministries that are founded on drawing teenagers closer to Christ through Bible knowledge and application. We have to be authentic in our relationships with teens. We have to provide experiences for them to live out their faith. And we have to try as best we can to motivate and equip parents. Outside of that, there is not much more we can reasonably do.
The prayer is for godly parents who lovingly pour into their children. It happens. We’ve all seen it. Just not enough for my taste.
Thanks for the comment, William.
I agree with what was said above, there’s literally only so much you can do. If a kid isn’t getting anything from home that shows him/her that Christ is what is most important, then it’s likely the kid isn’t going to value Christ. I think the norm has been to beat our heads against the wall with these students trying to get them involved in what we have going on, whether it’s Wednesday nights, camps, retreats or whatever and get frustrated when those things don’t cause the light to go off in the student’s head (or things seem to click, but it’s short-lived). So, we’re exhausting our resources and ourselves on an approach that doesn’t yield much in return. I think our focus, energy, and resources need to shift towards an approach that gets parents thinking about their responsibilites in the home and equips them to engage with their children on a spiritual level. How exactly to do this is the million dollar question. I’d start with trying to make everything you do, be it Sunday School, Wednesday nights, camps, retreats, etc accessible to parents and streamlined to where it’s not overly complicated. Is there continuity between SS, Wednesday nights, small groups, etc. or are they learning something different at three different weekly activities plus events throughout the year? Let the parents know what’s being studied in SS, let them know what their students will be learning at camp or on a retreat, give them questions to ask their students when they get back, put things on the web for them to access, record everything you do and get it on podcasts, etc. All these things can work, but only if it registers in their head that it’s their job to carry out the charge of Duet 6 in their homes. They have to engage their students on a spritual level and know it’s their responsibility.