Stress, Depression, and Anxiety In The Life Of The Youth Worker
[ym360 Note: This is the first of three articles written by ym360 Contributor and 30-year youth ministry veteran, Richard Parker. Richard's series will look at stress, depression, and anxiety in the life of the youth minister. Stay tuned for the next few articles on the series.]
Experts say that the most stressful work environment is one in which the worker has low control over his/her situation (in other words, a lot of bosses to answer to), low pay, and high expectations. Welcome to the modern day world of student ministry! The highly stressful atmosphere surrounding some youth ministers can lead to a variety of physical and emotional problems, including anxiety and depression. I’ve been a youth pastor for over three decades now and I’ve had battles with both anxiety and depression.
This is my story, one I hope will help you find peace in your daily life and increase your tenure in student ministry.
I was at my first church almost four years when our second daughter was born. At the time our church was without a pastor. I was the only full-time minister on staff. I was also working on my Masters degree. Needless to say there was a lot going on in my life. One night I was sitting in class when suddenly it just felt like someone opened a big hole in the floor and I was falling through. I was in the early stages of a bout with depression.
Fast-forward a year-and-a-half. It was the month of December and our youngest daughter was about to have some sinus surgery at a hospital two hours away. If the stress of that situation were not bad enough, the night before the surgery we were staying at a hotel when a tornado struck less than ten miles away. Between the anxiety of the tornado episode and the stress of watching my 18 month old child being wheeled into an operating room, it was not long until I sunk into a very deep, depression which took about four months to start lifting, but took a good year for a complete recovery.
The next seven years were depression free. But in the winter of 1993 I tackled a new enemy: anxiety. I had been called to another church in 1989 and late in 1992 both our pastor and music minister resigned. Once again, I was faced with being the only full-time staff member at a rather large church. Then to make matters worse, I decided to ask the pastor search committee if I could serve as interim pastor. Now there was a great plan! About three months into this arrangement the pressure of what I was trying to do caught up with me. I started having panic attacks and developed some major symptoms of anxiety.
Finally, I decided to seek some professional help. A fabulous Christian psychiatrist worked with me and helped me discover some things about myself and my line of work. His insights and medicinal intervention not only helped me recover but gave me some tremendous coping skills which I have relied on time and time again over the past sixteen years.
What I Learned
My experience with depression and anxiety were linked to two things; a family history of the illness (genetics), and stress. I discovered that there was a history of both anxiety and depression in my family. I also learned about stress, which is the way the body responds to change. It doesn’t matter if it’s good change (like a better job) or bad change (like the loss of a loved one); the changes around us create stress reactions in the body. There were times in my life when the changes could not be avoided and there were times, like taking on the responsibility of leading a church for five months, I could have avoided some stress.
Here’s what you can do to be more proactive in addressing depression and anxiety:
Be aware of change
The change in your life such as taking a new church, a change in pastor, the birth of children, financial commitments, finishing school, etc., will take their toll on your physical and emotional well being. Realizing this is the first part of the battle.
Delay change if possible
If you know you are going to be going through a lot of stress or change, out off any unnecessary change or increased responsibility (i.e., me asking for the interim pastor’s gig)
Take A Test
Look on the internet for the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory to get an idea of the amount of change currently going on in your life. A score of over 300 is considered a slight danger zone.
Know Your History
Check into your family history and see if there is any history of anxiety or depression. If there is then you could be more vulnerable than most people.
Know The Signs
Knowing the signs of overstress is extremely important: fatigue, aches and pains, anxiety or abnormal fears, problems sleeping, feeling overwhelmed, loss of enjoyment over things that used to make you happy, uncontrollable emotions.
Equally as important is knowing the warning signs of depression: feeling empty or sad, weight gain or loss, difficulty concentrating, sleeping too much or not enough, feeling guilty or worthless, thoughts of suicide.
Get Help
Knowing when to get professional help is a must. Maybe a little time-off can help sometimes but there are situations where it is time to consult a doctor or therapist.
There is no doubt that if I had sought the proper help at an earlier age I might not have had to experience so many episodes of depression and anxiety in my life. I wish I could say I am completely healed but that is not the case. I still deal with anxiety at various times and every so often I even feel a tad of depression but both are manageable and do not keep me from working in the wonderful calling of youth ministry.
Richard Parker has been a student minister for the past thirty-one years, serving at First Baptist Church in Russellville, AL since 1989. He has written a three volume set of Character Education curriculum for schools and has written “Character,” a year long devotional book for students. Richard speaks in schools as well as at various church and civic conferences.
Share your thoughts with the youthministry360 community:
WOW!!! What timing…I just told my senior pastor not 30 minutes ago that something is not quite right…Out of the list in the article I think I scored a PERFECT 100%. Starting some much needed work-Thanks for this article, looking forward to the next couple. Prayers appreciated…
Deborah, Well, the Lord is funny that way, right?
So glad the article could help you. I was thrilled to see Richard tell his story, as I think many youth workers can relate to it.
Make sure you take care of yourself! Your students, church, and family need you healthy . . . physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. It’s not always easy to stop and do the hard work needed to address the stress in our lives. But, it’s kind of like a car: if you never pull off the road to get it serviced, eventually it will break down.
Saying a prayer for you now! Let us know what we can do to serve and equip you as you lead teenagers closer to Christ.–Andy@ym360
Great posting, Richard.
I’ve suffered from both depression as well as an anxiety disorder and it’s amazing how crippling both can be.
The best defense is to absolutely know the warning signs that your own body gives off and be as proactive as possible in getting yourself right side up again. While you listed some of them, I’ve found that there are also signs that are unique to each individual (For me, there were 2: One was a “gloomyness” that felt like it was settling in behind my eyes and Two was the feeling that “the other shoe was about to drop”) When those feelings start coming on I would *run* to my Doc (Non medicinal Christian Psychologist) and vent/talk/listen/pray with her.
There’s a lot more I could write on this, but it’s a knee-jerk reply and I have to get ready to go sit in our pumpkin patch and earn our youth budget for the year.. and prepare tonights bible study.. and then go prepare my talk for Sunday night.. and plan a visitation to a nursing home.. (Where the director is trying to haggle some free pumpkins…
God Bless,
Rob
Thanks for sharing and for stopping by, Rob. Let us know what we can do to serve you.–Andy@ym360
A couple of years ago (being two years in to full time youth ministry) I had a horrible bout with depression. One that I’m not real sure that I’m out of yet. I’m not only a youth pastor, but the piano player, the program director, VBS music director, and so on and so on. I feel while I try desperately to keep my head above the water, I tend to slip bellow and get very down. My sleep is horrible, and my eating habits are worse. How do you learn to say no? Because I’m killing myself by not.
Tanya, So sorry to hear of your struggles. I don’t know the answer to how to say “no,” because I am guilty of taking too much on myself. But one thing that sometimes helps me is knowing that if I say “no,” the Lord will raise up someone else to fill the need. Who knows, someone might get the chance to serve that otherwise might have not?
The most important thing you can do is to find help. And to keep finding help until you find someone who truly helps you. My wife is a licensed marriage and family therapist and my father in law has been a psychologist for 30 years. From their experiences, I know that while all counselors and therapists might mean well and are devoted to helping others, not all of them are equally as skilled or experienced. If you have sought help in the past that didn’t “help,” keep searching until you find someone who truly can get you headed in the right direction.
Praying for you now.–Andy@ym360
Tanya I definitely know where you are coming from. I think the very nature of what we do lends itself to sometimes not being able to say no especially if we are people pleasers. First you have to set yourself some boundaries since church related work is often open ended. Right now it sounds like you have more than you can handle so start saying no to anything else immediately. Next look for ways to either pass off some of your responsibility or give it up. I learned, and am still learning, that saying no is much better than a crippling experience with anxiety oir depression. Also, you are not a bad person for saying no. Don’t let your ministry become a mile wide and one inch deep. Praying for you!
There is a huge need for balance as youth workers. One major thing to consider is if you are exercising and eating right. Thanks for sharing.
Danny,
This is huge, and I’m glad you brought it up. I find when I am at my busiest, exercise (and often eating right) goes out the window. Yet, I know for me, this is extremely important for my stress management. I have encouraged my wife to hold me accountable in this area. It may mean that on some days dinner starts a little late as I am squeezing in a 3 mile run at the end of the day. But I know for me, I am better for Kingdom work and my family if I am eating right and exercising.
Thanks for reminding us of this important truth!
My students have a lot of issues in their lives right now. I’ve been dealing with parents, students, and their issues with each other. I’m struggling to find a healthy balance of being a “part-time” youth director, working on a masters degree, and trying to find another job to supplement income. I feel as if it is sometimes hard for me to stop thinking about the youth group. The lessons, the music, the dinner theaters, plus all of the issues between parents and students and the list continues. Any advice/thoughts would be appreciated!
God bless!
Kellie, there is a consensus among people in the ministry that there is no such thing as a part-time minister. The type of work we do is such that either by our own choosing or because of the demands of the church there is never any sense of finishing, thus the emotional demands are ALWAYS going to be full time. I had a friend who was in a similar situation serving as a part-time youth minister and working a full-time job and the stress of it all just about brought her down. She eventually gave up her church job.
Your comment about always thinking about your students could be a sign of either your extreme commitment to your work and love for your students or racing thoughts which is an early sign of anxiety. I can tell you this, another job will probably help your financial status but make your pressure and stress worse.
Hopefully your work on the Masters will soon be over and that will help out. Since you are part-time, try to think part time. Allow yourself a quitting time mentally from your tasks at church. Make a list of things to do at church, do as many as you can, then close the door and go home. I imagine the issues at your church and relationships problems have always been there, were there before you came, and will be there long after you are gone.
You sound like a wonderful youth director, very in touch with your students and wanting to help them. You can best help them when you are healthy. I hope these words have helped and will pray for you.
Richard
[...] this the other day, it is a short article discussing stress and depression among youth workers. Check it out here. It is an all to common event in the life of a youth worker and most churches are not prepared to [...]
Our team did a blog series entitled “Youth Pastor Life Skills”. It addressed many of the issues above such as depression, stress, sleep, anxiety, and burnout and compassion fatigue.
It was likewise our most read blog series. This obviously is an issue everywhere and must be addressed. Thanks for writing about these issues too.
Your physical body will tell you very fast if you need to slow down or not. I’ve just started my 25th year in youth ministry and 13 years of it have been bi-vocational. When the warning signs begin to appear I always look to my quiet times with the Lord and see if there is any place that I can sit under some teaching to get refreshed. I believe this is where we miss out because we always have to poor out into others lives and we dont get feed ourselves. Hope this will help and dont forget about YOU!!!!